8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
Another murderer escapes from the Phantom Zone (again??), but this time it's Lil' Bow Wow! AWESOME!
9:00 FOX THE O.C.
Season Premiere! Marissa's dead... so why is everybody acting so goddamn morose?
9:00 SCI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
A deadly virus puts the entire Cylon race in danger. Even the sexy ones??
8:00 SPIKE WHEN GOOD PETS GO BAD
Video clips of snappy alligators, rampaging elephants, and killer whales beating the crap out of their trainers.
9:00 VH1 TOTALLY AWESOME—Movie
(2006) Two Pennsylvania nobodies try to fit in with tubular California kids in this parody of '80s-style teen comedies.
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS
It's the 17th annual "Treehouse of Horror," featuring an alien invasion not unlike a certain other invasion we won't mention. Which is to say... Iraq.
9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
A hostage situation in the supermarket causes panic; as well as a sale on Totino's Pizza Rolls.
9:00 NBC HEROES
Hiro questions his ability to be a superhero. (Wearing something besides that hideous tracksuit might help.)
10:30 TVLAND I PITY THE FOOL
Mr. T helps a controlling dance teacher. This may be our only opportunity to see Mr. T in a tutu!
10:00 CW VERONICA MARS
Veronica gets accused of plagiarizing her criminology paper. Oh no, they didn't!
9:00 FOX HOUSE
Dr. House is sent to jail overnight for a number of violations (including faking an American accent).
9:00 ABC LOST
Fall Finale! Lost is going on vacation for 13 WEEKS?! I'm in the wrong freaking business.
10:00 BRAVO TOP CHEF
The chefs are instructed to make an entirely vegan meal—wait. Bacon's vegan, right?