THURSDAY, MARCH 16

8:00 ABC AMERICAN INVENTOR

Debut! American Idol's Simon Cowell invents the worst idea for a reality show EVER!

9:30 NBC THE OFFICE

It's "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" and Michael strikes up an unhealthy relationship with a five-year-old.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17

9:00 SCI DOCTOR WHO

Debut! The king of the geeky sci-fi show returns, as a time-traveling doctor and his sexy assistant set off on adventure.

9:30 WB MODERN MEN

Debut! Three confused jerks hire a hotsy life coach... played by Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?!?

SATURDAY, MARCH 18

8:00 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT'S MAIN EVENT

Debut! Pro wrestling returns to NBC... even though I don't recall it being invited.

SUNDAY, MARCH 19

8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS

In the most awesome plot twist ever, a monkey takes Bart hostage.

9:00 VH1 THE SURREAL LIFE

Season Premiere! Tawny Kitaen, Florence Henderson, and George from The Jeffersons shack up for the sixth season.

MONDAY, MARCH 20

8:00 FOX PRISON BREAK

Michael comes up with a crazy plan to keep Lincoln alive. Hmm, does it involve a "prison break"?

9:00 FOX 24

It's "foreigners" to the rescue when Interpol steps in to help Jack track Bierko.

TUESDAY, MARCH 21

10:00 FX THE SHIELD

Season Finale! It's the final showdown between Vic and Kavanaugh—and somebody won't be around next season.

10:00 BRAVO REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY

Debut! A cross between Desperate Housewives and The O.C., which is so dumb it must be brilliant.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22

9:30 FOX UNAN1MOUS

Debut! Nine crazy people sharing a bunker? Why, that's "inc3d1ble!"

10:00 NBC HEIST

Debut! A gang of crooks plan on robbing Rodeo Drive jewelry stores on the eve of the Oscars!