9:00 FOX THE O.C.
College acceptance/rejection letters arrive, threatening Seth and Summer's relationship. Hey, I'll take her!
9:00 NBC MY NAME IS EARL
Juliette Lewis guest stars as Joy's white-trashy archenemy. Ladies, sharpen those claws!
8:00 WB SURVIVAL OF THE RICHEST
When the rich and poor kids team up to go grocery shopping, guess who demands caviar?
9:00 SCI DOCTOR WHO
The Doctor leaps into action to stop an interplanetary war (why do I think Bush is behind this?).
8:00 ABC MINORITY REPORT—Movie
(2002) Not a great movie, but notable because Tom Cruise gets his eyeball plucked out.
8:00 NBC THE WEST WING
Election Day is ruined when vice presidential nominee Leo croaks. Thanks a bunch, wet blanket!
10:00 HBO BIG LOVE
Bill runs into trouble when he forgets all three wives' anniversaries. See, that's why polygamy sucks!
9:00 ABC THE TEN COMMANDMENTS—Miniseries
(2006) A remake of the movie, which I hope will be more interesting than the original book. SNORE!
9:00 FOX 24
When Jack's banned from CTU, Chloe and Audrey team up to save the day!
8:00 ABC IT'S THE EASTER BEAGLE, CHARLIE BROWN
Linus tries to convince the gang there's such a thing as the "Easter Beagle," which is at least more believable than Scientology.
9:00 UPN VERONICA MARS
New Night and Time! Veronica is plagued by creepy dreams starring the bus crash victims.
9:00 ABC LOST
Finally, an episode featuring those interracial octogenarians, Bernard and Rose!
10:00 FX BLACK. WHITE.
Season Finale! The two families return to their original skin color—except the honkies who still want to be black on weekends.