THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR
Season Premiere! This season the tribes are divided up according to race. Something tells me this was a honky's idea.
8:00 NBC MY NAME IS EARL
Check out some O.G. Earl with the very first (and very funny) pilot episode!
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
8:00 TNT KILL BILL: VOL. 1—Movie
(2003) It's Quentin Tarantino's awesome tribute to revenge flicks, starring Uma Thurman as a wronged assassin!
11:00 A&E MI-5
Season Premiere! If you loved Alias (when it was good), don't miss this dark series about British intelligence.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16
8:00 MYNTV DESIRE & FASHION HOUSE RECAP
Since there's no fawking way I'm gonna watch these shows every night of the week, here's the two-hour recap!
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
8:00 WB BUFFY AND DAWSON PILOTS
It's a celebration of old-school WB with the original pilot episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson's Creek!
8:30 CBS AMAZING RACE
Season Premiere! It's another season of contestants busting ass around the globe to win some money. Stop and smell the roses, people!
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
10:00 CBS CSI: MIAMI
Season Premiere! Which CSI is this? Oh, the one set in Miami.
10:00 NBC STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP
Debut! A behind-the-scenes sneaky peek of an SNL wannabe, from hot poop producer Aaron Sorkin!
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
9:00 CBS THE UNIT
Season Premiere! This unintentionally hilarious military drama returns with more weepy wives and terrorist ass-kickin'.
10:00 CBS SMITH
Debut! Ray Liotta stars in this show, which will probably bomb just like all shows with big celebrities in them.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Season Premiere! Tyra Banks is back with another gaggle of empty-headed models. Let's get FIERCE!
8:00 CBS JERICHO
Debut! Goddammit. Another nuclear holocaust? Well... there goes my weekend.