I ran into Phil Busse, the tanned, toned, and deeply oppressed Managing Editor of the Portland Mercury, shortly before he left for a long vacation at Martha's Vineyard.

Aaron: So, Martha's Vineyard, huh? Are you taking a private jet, or are you flying commercial first class?

Phil: I'm actually flying coach. My travel agent totally fucked up. It really sucks.

How is the weather out there right now? I heard the heat can be just too oppressive for words.

By noon it can get pretty hot--the key to avoiding the heat is making sure there's always enough ice in your gin and tonic.

So anyway, the newspaper you and I work for (the Mercury) is doing an expose on the best oppressed people of Portland. You obviously have oppressed feelings. Might it be related to the fact you are a well-paid, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, straight, white male of Germanic/Viking heritage? Hence you are classically considered the oppressor, and therefore ineligible even for CONSIDERATION as an oppressed person? Doesn't that hurt your feelings?

The crushing weight of expectations people have of me is what I find oppressive. Do you know what it's like every night to wonder, "Am I good enough?" Oh, and I'm selling my house right now, and there are some very demanding new tax laws that make it a real pain in the ass. What to do with all the extra equity is really confusing.

You're gay, aren't you?

Much to the disappointment of my parents, I'm straight.--AARON BEAM