What Happens in Vegas... is awful. It gives me the same feeling that I have when I'm eating white flour bread products and drinking beer in my bathrobe at 3 pm on a Saturday with the window shades drawn for fear my neighbors might see. Which is to say, of course, that it is so utterly, irredeemably bad that I now feel like a patsy for having laughed out loud maybe twice (okay, thrice) and gotten very mildly misty-eyed during its cheap-shot sentimentalities.
The absurdity at hand is that opposites Jack (Ashton Kutcher, not as funny as expected) and Joy (Cameron Diaz, looking like a piece of beef jerky wearing lip gloss—when did that happen?!) and their much-abused sidekicks, Hater (Rob Corddry, who is persecuted for premature hair loss) and Tipper (Lake Bell, who goes undefended when summarized as "kind of a disgusting skank") all meet up in Vegas. Everyone gets hammered, and Joy and Jack wake up married, and then they accidentally hit the jackpot on a slot machine while discussing their annulment, and THEN they're sentenced by a highly partial judge to six months of marriage in order to recover the funds! Would it spoil anything if I told you they ended up falling in love?