DIVORCE? ON WHAT GROUNDS?
"Irreconcilable Differences" isn't just a horrible Lil' Drew Barrymore movie. If you're experiencing an "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage" then you have grounds for a divorce. Other grounds include the marriage being "obtained by fraud, force, or duress [that's YOU!]," a minor who got married without lawful permission, or if you lack the mental capacity to consent [also YOU!]. Screwing around is only allowable as grounds if child custody is an issue [that's not you].
If you really don't want to end up in the poor house, remember these two words: "No Fault." It's the cheapest way to go, wherein both parties wipe their hands of each other, and the judge doesn't require any evidence of misconduct. And after the court and lawyer fees are paid, you only have to endure the tsk-tsking of your mother and friends who, as they put it, "told you so."
ANNULMENT? HA! THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY.
Who do you think you are? Britney Spears? Look pal, this is OREGON, not Las Vegas, and unless you have very special circumstances, you're not getting an annulment. "But I've only been married a few days!" Tough titty, Tina. "My spouse won't have sex with me!" Well, welcome to married life. There's only a couple of ways a judge is going to consider giving you an annulment, and that's if your spouse is under the legal age of consent, or if your spouse is already married... which I know from experience is really annoying.
WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
Unfortunately for you, Oregon is an "equitable distribution" state. That means, after your divorce, your gay ex-husband will have his greedy mitts on a sizable amount of your stuff; including inheritances, your Eames-era swag lamps, retirement pension, your Sandra Bernhard autographed throw pillow, and property acquired prior to the marriage.
ALIMONY
Oh no, he can't? OH YES, HE CAN. Either spouse can be forced to pay alimony--REGARDLESS OF WHO IS AT FAULT. So if you've got a "stay at home" gay hubby, then make sure he's washing the dishes. At least you'll get something out of the deal.
THE HIGH COST OF DIVORCE
Though counties differ, expect to pay around 300 smackers in court costs (and more if you're adding on child custody, or other motions). Then, if you need a lawyer, you can add on anywhere from $100 to $250... PER HOUR. (And let me tell you... these guys take their sweeeeeeet time.) However, if you're legitimately destitute, you can get help from the Legal Aid office--who are so over-worked, you can expect your divorce to be finalized roughly 20 years after you're dead.
So whether gay or straight, remember one thing: "Divorce eats ass." That being said, I'd like to wish an eternity of wonderful wedded bliss to all our newly married gay brothers and sisters... I'm sure 50% of you will be very happy.
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