I canāt believe this is why Iām finally writing you. My husband is using PokĆ©mon Go as an excuse to stay out until 5 am with another woman. She is beautiful and about a decade younger than him, and he wonāt hear me out on why this is bothersome. Our work schedules donāt match up, and he always wants me to meet him in the wee hours of the morning after Iāve worked a full day shift and done all the work looking after our pets. I can give him the benefit of the doubt and be totally fine with him wanting to stay out after work for a few drinks with friends, even though Iām too tired to join them, but PokĆ©mon Go until 5 am alone with a twentysomething for four straight weeks?! Itās driving me crazy. I told him how I feel, and he says itās my...
PokƩmon Go Means No
Second Life, SimCity, Quake, Counter-Strike, World of Warcraft, Minecraftāitās always something.
By which I mean to say, PGMN, PokĆ©mon Go isn't destroying your marriage now, just as SimCity wasn't destroying marriages 15 years ago. Your husband is destroying your marriage. He's being selfish and inconsiderate and cruel. He doesn't care enough about you to prioritize your feelingsāor even acknowledge them, it seems.
When a partner's actions are clearly saying, "I'm choosing this thingāthis video game, this bowling league, this whateverāover you," they're almost always saying this, as well: "I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't have the courage or the decency to leave so I'm going to neglect you until you get fed up and leave me."
Let him have his ridiculous obsessionsāwith this game, with this girlāand when he comes to his senses and abandons PokĆ©mon Go, just like people came to their senses and walked away from Second Life a decade ago, you'll be in a better position to decide whether you want to leave him.
I am currently separated. A few months after I moved out, my estranged wife found out that I cheated on her before we got married. I was a CPOS. I feel horribly guilty and would like to think Iāll never do it again. The question is: When and what should I disclose to future partners?
No Clever Acronym
Thereās no need to disclose this to future partners. Everyone makes mistakesāand the mistake you made, while a deeply painful betrayal of your then-girlfriend and presumably a violation of a premarital monogamous commitment, is a thoroughly common one. Human beings arenāt used carsāwe arenāt obligated to disclose every ditch we drove ourselves into before we resell ourselves. You didnāt fuck around on your ex habitually, youāre not a serial cheater, and you never violated your marriage vows. So thereās that. Resolve not to make this mistake againāmake only new onesāand stuff that incident down Ye Olde Memory Hole.
I hooked up with this hot married couple. Weād done it before, and my expectations were shaped by previous (fun) experiences with them. But the sex wasnāt good this time. That would be fineāsometimes it just doesnāt work, and I am an adult about itābut for the specific reason it wasnāt good: The husband came on my face after I specifically told him not to do that. I used my words. He still blew a load in my face and then sheepishly kinda apologized afterward. He said he didnāt mean to do it and that he was aiming at my boobs. I do not believe it for a second. It was an āask for forgiveness, not for permissionā kind of thingāI could see that on his face. He looooves facials. So that sealed my decision not to sleep with them again, which I told them about. I consider a load in my face against my will to be a big violation of my trust/friendship. The couple thinks Iām overreacting and that a load in your face should be a forgivable offense. Iām not going to change my mind, but I am curious what you think about sneaky facials.
Unwanted Semen Angers! Unicorn Seeking Advice!
Sneaky facials are sneaky, and I donāt approve of sneakiness in the sack. People should be straightforward and direct; they should communicate their wants, needs, and limits clearly; and we should all err on the side of solicitousness, i.e., drawing new sex partners out about their wants, needs, and limits, because some folks have a hard time using their words where sex is concerned.
You used your words, USA!USA!, and this dude violated your clearly communicated wants, needs, and limits. I'm glad you let them know you were upset and why you weren't going to see them again. Single women who want to hook up with married couples are hard to come by and ināthat's why you're called unicornsāand his selfish disregard for your limits, his clear violation of your trust, cost them a unicorn.
I have two questions. (1) I saw a sex worker for a legit sensual massage that turned into fooling around. Once that happened, he mentioned āmakingā straight guys have sex with him, wanting to give massages to teenagers, and he talked dirty about younger boys. I know this could all be provocative fantasy talk, but I had a weird feeling about him before meeting. Who would I even disclose this to if that were the right thing to do, and how would I do so while protecting his (should be legal) right to trade ass for cash? (2) Furthermore, Iām a thirsty genderqueer girl plotting her escape from a suburban town. Iām not going to be here long enough to look for an LTR. How can I satisfy my lust safely? It seems like every time I hook up with someone, they disclose intense drug use or other risky behavior after the fact.
Fantasizing Lecherously About Good Sex
(1) Thereās no licensing board for sex workersāthereās no accrediting organization, no sex-work equivalent of the legal professionās bar association (and most sex workers would oppose the establishment of one)āso thereās nowhere you can go to report this guy. If he confessed to an actual crime, FLAGS, you could go to the police, and they might even do something about it. But the police are unlikely to get involved if he was just fantasizing; itās not against the law to engage in dirty talk, even extremely fucked up/ickily transgressive/NOT OKAY dirty talk.
(2) Masturbation is the safest way to satisfy your lust until you get your ass out of that druggy suburb full of risky-sex junkies and to the big city, where we urbanites drink only hot tea, snort only in derision, and use only condoms religiously.