Iâm a lady considering taking on a foot fetishist as a slave. He would do chores around my house, including cleaning and laundry, and give foot rubs and pedicures in exchange for getting to worship and jack off to my model-perfect feet when Iâve decided heâs earned it. Am I morally obligated to tell my roommates? Technically the guy would be in their common space too. I will fully vet him with references and meet him in a neutral location at least onceâand anything else you might suggest I do for securityâs sake. Though my roommates are not what you would call conservative, Iâm not sure theyâd understand this kind of arrangement. I would have my slave come over when no one is around, and then my roommates could come home to a sparkly clean common area! My slave would never have access to their personal spaces, nor would I...
Man Into Cleaning A Shared Apartment
A friend in Berlin has a similar arrangement. This guy comes over to clean his apartment once a week andâif my friend thinks heâs done a good enough jobâmy friend rewards him with a knee to the balls. Itâs a good deal for both parties: My vanilla-but-kink-adjacent friend gets a sparkly clean apartment (which he loves but doesnât want to do himself), this guy gets his balls busted on a regular basis (which he loves but canât do himself). But my friend lives alone, MICASA, and that makes all the difference. Or does it?
Time for some playing-games-with-foot-fetishists theory: If you were having sex with a boyfriend in the common areas of your apartment when your roommates werenât homeâletâs say your boyfriend (or even some rando) wanted to fuck you on the kitchen floorâyou wouldnât be morally obligated to text your roommates and ask their permission. But weâre not talking about a normal guy here or normal sexâweâre talking about a fetishist who wants to be your slave. Does that make a difference? It might to people who regard kinksters as dangerous sex maniacs, MICASA, but a kinky guy isnât any more or less dangerous than a vanilla guy. And a kinky guy youâve gone to the trouble to vetâby getting his real name and contact info, by meeting in public at least once, by asking for and following up with referencesâpresents less of a threat to you and your roommates than some presumed-to-be-vanilla rando one of you brought home from a bar at 2 am.
Strip away the sensational elementsâhis thing for feet, his desire to be your chore slave, the mental image of him jacking off all over your toesâand what are we left with? A friends-with-benefits arrangement. A sparkly clean apartment benefits you (and your roommates); the opportunity to worship your feet benefits him. This guy would be a semi-regular sex partner of yours, MICASA, and while the sex youâre having may not be conventional, the sex you have in your apartmentâincluding the sex you might have in the common areas when no one is at homeâis ultimately none of your roommatesâ business.
That said, MICASA, unless or until all your roommates know whatâs up, I donât think you should ever allow this guy to be alone in your apartment.
My girlfriend drunkenly confessed to me that she used to pee on her ex. Iâm not sure what to do with this info.
Dudeâs Relationship In Peril
Did she ask you to do something with this info? Did your girlfriend say, âHey, I used to pee on my exânow go make me a dream catcher with that news, would you?â Your GF got a little kinky with an ex, most likely at the exâs request, and so what? If piss isnât something youâre into, DRIP, donât obsess on the distressing-to-you details and focus instead on the big picture: Youâve got an adventurous GF. Congrats. If she doesnât have an equally adventurous BF, hereâs hoping she finds one.
My SEVEN-year-old son started getting really into gauze, splints, and bandages when he was three, and by the time he was four, it became clearly sexualized. He gets a boner when he plays âbroken boneâ or just looks at bandages, and he has expressed how much he loves to touch his penis when he does this. My husband and I (both happily vanilla) have been accepting and casual about this. Weâve provided him with a stash of âsupplies,â taught him the concept of privacy and alone time, and frequently remind him to never wrap bandages around his head or neck. Is it normal to be so kinky at such a young age? I know kinks generally develop from childhood associations. When he was two, he had surgery to correct a common issue on his groin. Might that have sparked this? I want my son to grow up with a healthy and positive sexuality. Are we doing him a favor or a disservice by supplying him with materials, freedom, and privacy to engage in a kink so young?
Boy Always Needing âDoctoringâ And Getting Edgier
Your sonâs behavior isnât that abnormal, BANDAGE. Itâs standard for kids, even very young kids, to touch their genitalsâin public, where it can be a problem, or in private, where it should never be a problem. And lord knows kids obsess about the strangest shit. (What is the deal with dinosaurs, anyway?) Right now your son is obsessed with bandages and splints and gauze, his interests arenât purely intellectual, and itâs easy to see a possible link between his experience with bandages and gauze in his swimsuit area and his obsession.
None of this means your son is definitely going to be kinky when he grows up, BANDAGEânot that thereâs anything wrong with being kinky when you grow up. There are lots of happy, healthy kinksters out there, and your kid could be one of them when he grows up. But itâs too early to tell, and so long as his interests arenât complicating his life (heâs not behaving inappropriately with friends or at school), your sonâs whatever-this-is will become less of your concern over time and ultimately it will be none of your business.
In the meantime, you donât wanna slap a âso kinkyâ label on a seven-year-old. (If he were to overhear you using that term to describe him, does he have the computer skills to google it himself?) But youâre doing everything right otherwise. You arenât shaming your son, you arenât making bandages and gauze and splints more alluring by denying him access to them, you are teaching him important lessons about privacy and what needs to be reserved for âalone time.â
You ask if itâs normal to be âso kinkyâ (a phrase we shall both retire, at least when referring to your son, after today) at such a young age. Probably notâbut so what? According to science, most adults have paraphilias, AKA ânon-normative sexual desires and interests.â That means kinks are normalâat least for grown-upsâso even if your son isnât normal now, BANDAGE, heâll be normal someday. Most happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult kinksters can point to things in their childhood that seemed to foreshadow their adult interests in bandages/bondage/balloons/whatever. Author, journalist, and spanking fetishist Jillian Keenan (Sex with Shakespeare) was fascinated by spanking when she was your sonâs age; Keenan likes to say she was conscious of her kink orientation before she knew anything about her sexual orientation. So while your sonâs behavior may not be ânormalâ for a kid who grows up to be vanilla, it would be ânormalâ for someone who grows up to be kinky.