The Eclipse Issue
EDITOR'S NOTE: Megan Burbank is NOT an astrologer, but she IS an Aries.
According to astrologer Susan Miller, eclipses “are dramatic 'wild cards’ in our horoscopes... some of the most dramatic tools that the universe uses to get us to pay attention to areas in our life that need to change.” So what does your future hold? Find out with the Mercury’s solar eclipse horoscopes, complete with a totality mantra for each sign, which you can repeat in your mind during the brief window when the Moon eclipses the Sun... and your old way of thinking!
Much like the Moon eclipses the Sun, you have a tendency to block out other people’s auras. I love the enthusiasm, but try to interrupt less.
Totality mantra: “It’s not my turn to talk! (Yet.)”
I feel for you, Taurus. You’re just as obnoxious
as an Aries but, coming second in the Zodiac, you get no credit for it.
Totality mantra: “I am the first sign in my Zodiac.”
Totality is set to begin at 10:15 am. I’m telling you now so you won’t miss it because you’ve walked into a room and can’t remember why.
Totality mantra: “Wait. Am I supposed to... be somewhere? Looking at something?”
I know you’re afraid of abandonment, but stop being so self-sacrificing.
Totality mantra: “‘No’ is a complete sentence!”
It’s okay to admit you watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians aspirationally.
Totality mantra: “I’m gonna live forever! I’m gonna learn how to fly—high!”
We get it! You love doing all of your meal prep on Sunday! Whatever!
Totality mantra: “It is okay that other people think ‘Sunday funday!’ is a cute phrase. I am not furious about it.”
While you spend a month deciding what kind of new light bulbs to buy, the porch stays dark and attractive to burglars.
Totality mantra: “Done is better than good!”
The only reason we put up with your antics is because of sex.
Totality mantra: “I am sorry to all the people I’ve hurt.”
You’re such a charming Hufflepuff! Please don’t ever change.
Totality mantra: “I’m doing a pretty okay job!”
Capricorns don’t exist during eclipses. They barely exist anyway.
Totality mantra: No one cares.
What is a water carrier, anyway?
Totality mantra: “Stay hydrated!”
Fish people are the great listeners of the Zodiac. So can I talk now?
Totality mantra: “Yes, Aries. Whatever you say.”