Opening This Week

Fully Committed
All restaurant employees take note: Fully Committed is an allegedly hilarious one-man skewering of the awful customers that make your lives so miserable. Portland Center Stage, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6588, Opens Fri, runs Tues-Wed, Sun 7 pm, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, Thurs 12 pm, through May 30, $16-51

The Crackwalker
Judith Thompson's unflinching examination of a retarded woman and her messed up friends. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St, 274-1717, Opens Fri, runs Thurs 7 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through May 2, $15-20

When Babes Attack
An original play by Jesse E. Migneault in which the president's advisors apparently recruit children to fight a war. Yes, it's satirical. Could be cool, though; Migneault has done comedy writing for MTV, VH-1, and Comedy Central. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta, 282-2019, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 6 pm, through May 2, $12

One Week Only

* Anonymous Theatre: Picasso at the Lapin Agile
See My What A Busy Week, pg 9.

* Taicophony
Few musical forms, outside of perhaps the showtune, are more theatrical than Taiko, and the folks at Portland Taiko do it right, zooming around the stage, cracking jokes, and playing massively loud drums at breakneck speed. Tonight they team up with the Uzume Taiko Ensemble. Ahh, Taiko... the showtune of the East. PCC Sylvania Theatre, 12000 SW 49th Ave, 224-8499, Fri-Sat 7:30 pm, $17-19

Closing This Week

* Accomplice
Don't see this one with a headache, like I did. The script by Rupert Holmes seemingly begins with a British wife murdering her husband... until you realize it's actually the wife and her adulterous lover REHEARSING the murder the wife will commit on her husband later. This is only the beginning, of course, as The Accomplice digs deeper and deeper into a pit of clever plot twists and story traps, finally burying itself in a fourth-wall-breaking finale. The tricky plot takes some hard thinking to keep pace with, and in the end isn't nearly as entertaining as the performances. JWS Lakewood Theatre Company, 368 S State St, 635-3901, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 7 pm, through April 18, $22-24

Current Runs

Business as Usual
I'm usually terrified by dinner theater, but this Sopranos-influenced show takes place at Portland Meadows and is produced by Rowdy Roddy Piper. That's a combination too weird to resist. And so Saturday night found me sucking down cheap wine brought to us by a Mafia character named Sal, who managed to refill our glasses THREE times in less than 10 minutes. The room became a haze of Italian gangster clichés and stomach-clenching meatballs. I wish I could be clearer, but then I'm not the one who gave myself three glasses of wine before the show even started. JWS Portland Meadows Clubhouse, 1001 Schmeer Rd., 737-1069, Thurs & Sat 7 pm, $42

Disappeared
Written by Phyllis Nagy and directed by Devan McCoy, Disappeared has all the right elements to be pretty awesome. The Electric Company, 2512 SE Gladstone, Suite 200, 232-5955, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through May 8, $12-15

Landscape With Stick Figures
A new addition to the increasingly popular theatrical genre known as "docudrama," this play by Steven Alan McGaw features over 30 roles, and is a meditation on violence in schools. Stark Raving, at the Coho Theatre, 2257 NW Raleigh, 232-7072, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 7 pm, through May 8, $10-18

Max
Max is brought to us by the mind of reckless genius Günther Grass, who, still active today at age 77, has chronicled his native Germany's chaotic identity since the devastation of WW2. Toad City Productions, at the Back Door, 4321 SE Hawthorne, 736-1027, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through April 24, $10-12

Missing Mona a.k.a. Leo's Lost Notebook
In 1911, the Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre. It didn't return for over two years, an incomprehensible notion in our age of surveillance camera consciousness. Imago Theatre founder Carol Triffle has used the story of the disappearance as the inspiration for Missing Mona (a.k.a. Leo's Lost Notebook), though the theft plot itself ends up as an anecdote, a footnote in Triffle's larger, more abstract piece. TP Imago Theater, 17 SE 8th Ave, 231-9581, Thurs 7:30, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through April 24, $10-15

No Shame Theatre
This is basically an open mic for theater nerds. Come at 10 pm to sign up. The Electric Company, 2512 SE Gladstone, Suite 200, 232-5955, Fri 10:30 pm, through May 7, $5

The Outsiders
In NWCT's stage adaptation of S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders, many elements from the book are missing. Gone is the dynamic family chemistry between the Curtis bros Darry, Sodapop, and Ponyboy; gone are the rich characterizations of troubled Dallas, and sweetly endearing Sodapop. These things have been gutted to cram The Outsiders' frequently hackneyed storyline into a bite-sized 90-minute chunk. JWS Northwest Children's Theater, 1819 NW Everett St, 222-4480, Fri-Sat 7 pm, Sun 2 pm, through April 25, $14-18

Tino Does Time
An interesting-sounding play set in 1972 Los Angeles, and centered around a troubled brother/sister pairing. One day a cop comes and arrests the brother and falls in love with his sister. Bummer. The Miracle Theater, 525 SE Stark Street, 242-1047, Thurs 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through May 1, $14-17

Comedy/Improv

* Breen vs. Dempsey
ComedySportz' relatively new after-hours Friday showcase generally has at least a pretty quirky and interesting lineup. Tonight the lineup is downright hilarious with improviser Meg Dempsey squaring off against John Breen a.k.a. Portland's Funniest Man. ComedySportz Arena, 1963 NW Kearney Street, 236-8888, Fri 10 pm, $5

Piece of Meat Theatre
It's fun watching theater in bars; everyone's drunk and things get raucous. Piece of Meat are a sort of punk sketch comedy troupe from Los Angeles who feature acts like the World's Angriest White Reggae Band, and "Dr. Stephen Hawking Stops the Robbery." Sounds most decidedly un-PC. Plus, they'll be followed by the fun jazz-funk act Critters Buggin'. Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, Sat 10 pm, $12

Dance

Entusiasmo!
This show at the Newmark should give Do Jump! even more room to move than their old home at the Echo did. They perform thrilling aerial stunts and other circus acrobatics, with a thin thread of a narrative tying everything together. Tonight's show is billed as "a show about hope" and is based on Alan Weisman's book Gaviotas, about a struggling Columbian village that transformed itself into a full-fledged self-sufficient community. Weisman will be on hand after the Friday night show to sign copies of his book. Do Jump at the Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 231-1232, Fri-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 3 pm, $20-26

Ten Tiny Dances, Part 6
The prolific local dancer Mike Barber continues his popular performance series, this time in the cozy, incredibly hip confines of the Clark Lewis restaurant. Like always, every 15 minutes a new dance hits the stage, and this episode's lineup includes stars like Nat Newburger, Jesse Berdine, Christine Calfas, and Amber Martin. Clarklewis, SE Water and Taylor, 331-0436, Sun 7:30 pm, $12-15