It's often called Amateur Hour, but it doesn't have to play that way. The weekend starts with St. Patrick's Day, but it doesn't have to end there, in a green-beer induced blackout following some shitshow or another you can't remember. Let's see if we can figure out a shitshow-free holiday weekend together (unless that's exactly what you're looking for, in which case, we got those too!) KMRIA keeps tradition alive with a soused tribute to the Pogues at the Doug Fir, Kells kicks off its yearly festival that turns downtown green, and The Aces close out their good feelin' run at the Siren. The Timbers take the field, the glory days of Saturday morning television are resurrected, and the rainy nights and darkened alleys of classic Hollywood noir are brought to black & white life at Cinema 21. All that and the McElroy Brothers doing a live episode of their infectiously silly podcast! There's too much good stuff this weekend to spend 48 hours of it sleeping off the first 24. Hit the menu below and plan (and pace) your weekend accordingly.


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St. Patrick's Day!

KMRIA, The Minus 5
St. Patrick’s Day and the Pogues go hand-in-hand. Well, it’s St. Patrick’s Day today, and the Pogues aren’t playing anymore, so the next best thing is KMRIA, who’ll be celebrating a full decade as one of the best Pogues tribute bands. The group—whose acronym stands for Kiss My Royal Irish Ass—is formed by members of the Decemberists, Eels, and Casey Neill & The Norway Rats. So hoist some Irish beer, drink some whiskey, and enjoy the best Irish folk-punk available to you today. DOUG BROWN
9 pm, Doug Fir, $15

The Coathangers, The Birth Defects, Tender Age
In this day and age, if you’re missing the thrashing thrills of punk, then may I happily introduce you to the Coathangers. This Atlanta-based trio of womxn punkers produce fiery, yet melodic anthems perfect for the pogo or mosh set. Promoting their newest LP Nosebleed Weekend, and their even newer EP Parasite, an evening with the Coathangers offers a fun, raucous show that’s about thiiiis close to flying off the rails. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $12

Alice Wetterlund
The West Coast comic wunderkind by way of Minnesota, best known for her standout roles on Silicon Valley and People of Earth hits Portland for a weekend's worth of stand-up.
7:30 pm, 10pm, Helium Comedy Club, $20-28

Pink Flamingos
Watching John Waters’ 1972 midnight classic Pink Flamingos is a life-changing experience. With a singing asshole and Divine performing the very first version of Two Girls, One Cup (er, maybe that should be One Dog, One Woman, One Cup, or rather One Dog, One Man Dressed as a Woman, One Sidewalk?), this awesome gross-out film is the ultimate in bad taste. (Ha! That’s probably what Divine said!)
9:45 pm, Academy Theater, $3-4

Kells St. Patrick's Irish Festival
You know how downtown tends to turn a particularly vibrant (and loud) shade of green come St. Patrick's time? That's Kells' fault. It tends to happen when you throw a three-day festival including live music, dancing, even some boxing, all under a massive tent just behind your historic bar.
11am, Kells, $20-25

Japandroids, Craig Finn & the Uptown Controllers
Canadian duo Japandroids have for some reason become a referendum on the waning relevance of rock music. But the fervent, major-chord melodies on their latest album, the joyously brash Near to the Wild Heart of Life, offer the kind of windows-down, sing-along adrenaline rush that only the gloomiest spoilsport could pooh-pooh. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, Revolution Hall, $21-23, all ages

Serial: Sarah Koenig & Julie Snyder
Serial creators Sarah Koenig and Julie Snyder offer up a behind-the-scenes look at the making of their renowned podcast and provide an in-depth look at this new form of storytelling.
8 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $29.50-100

Portlanders Stand with Refugees and Immigrants
Take a break from organizing to break bread with your neighbors. Dance the night away and watch Bollywood, African, and Middle Eastern performances for an evening packed with culture and delicious, authentic cuisine. No admission fee, but bring dough for all the food cart fare! EMILLY PRADO
6 pm, East Portland Community Center, free

Mo Troper & the Assumptions, The Exquisites, Alien Boy, Mayhaw Hoons & the Outsiders
Timelessness is just one of Mayhaw Hoons’ endearing qualities. His artistic fearlessness is dizzying on Lime Green, Hoons’ latest release with his band the Outsiders. Even during the most tender musical moments, he’s wired to exert as much emotive urgency as is vocally possible. The fantastically baroque-heavy “Revenge” pisses and moans with a fuzzed-out power-pop verse, eventually blooming into a piano-led chorus that finds Hoons shrieking in key, his upper register breaking apart as the melody soars ever further into melancholy. Known primarily for playing the role of indispensable sideman in groups like the Shaky Hands, the Minders, Horse Feathers, and Kyle Craft’s band, Hoons’ magnetic lyrics and chameleonic rock ’n’ roll swagger take center stage on breakout tracks like “The Swinger” and “Anorexic Again.” Hoons and the Outsiders open tonight’s all-Northwest bill, so get there early. RYAN J. PRADO
8 pm, The Know

Genders, Paper Brain
If Portland had a house band, it’d probably be Genders. The four-piece plays around town all the time, tours nonstop (with Built to Spill, no less), and cranks out new music like a goddamn machine. CIARA DOLAN
9:30 pm, Bunk Bar, $10

Mr. Wrong, Damn!, Plastic Weather, Way Worse, Born Upset, Hex Vision, Shortline
Portland duo Mr. Wrong's debut release, Distraction Demo, is a collection of seven crunchy lo-fi punk songs equally reminiscent of ’80s Los Angeles cow-punk bands like the Gun Club and Seattle three-piece Childbirth. The songs range from self-deprecating humor about being distracted and jobless (“Distraction”) to odes to tarot cards and candles (“Witchy”), along with a great cover of ’70s organ-punk band the Delinquents’ track “Do You Have a Job for a Girl Like Me.” CAMERON CROWELL
7 pm, American Legion Local 134, $5

On Drugs, Horse Movies
Try as I might to finally enter adulthood, my heart still belongs to drinking tallboys on blacktops, which is definitely the root of my fondness for Horse Movies. The Portland indie-grunge band has a long way to go lyrics-wise, but their distorted, snarling vocals and dueling guitars are grin-worthy. Like the monster truck-obsessed younger brother of Titus Andronicus, Horse Movies is an unpretentious and hyper confection. EMMA BURKE
8 pm, Clinton Street Theater, $6

Strange Babes Danze Party
Strange Babes parties are visceral extensions of their popular radio show on XRAY.fm, and the DJs' styles (KM Fizzy, Jen O, and Magic Beans) are distinct yet complementary. This type of energetic eclecticism is all too rare and desperately needed in a town brimming with monotonous dance nights, so prioritize any opportunity to experience a Strange Babes mastermix in person. CHRIS SUTTON
9 pm, Killingsworth Dynasty

The Aces: Feelin' Good
Every year, the combined might of local improv comedians Shelley McLendon and Michael Fetters takes on the shape of a new sketch comedy show. The Aces' signature style revolves around quickly changing sketch scenes that are sometimes so loosely associated they may as well be free association. Boundless and bizarre, an Aces audience is never bored and sometimes has to hustle to keep up. I really can't say enough nice things about this pair. They deserve all their current accolades and a whole lot more. Let's pump them full of money so they add more shows. SUZETTE SMITH
8 pm, Siren Theater, $15-20

The Quagmire Continues: 14 Years in Iraq
Peace and Justice Works and the Portland Peaceful Response Coalition combine to lead a rally in remembrance of the US invasion of Iraq on March 19, 2003, and to call attention to the fact there are still 5000 troops in the region.
5 pm, Pioneer Courthouse Square

BarFly's 17th Annual St. Patrick's Day Bus Tour
Jen Lane's BarFly bus will spirit you to a number of bars all over town so as to properly sample the alcoholic bounty available as Portland celebrates St. Patrick's.
7 pm, Various Locations, $30

Lauren Weedman Doesn't Live Here Anymore
A brand new one-woman show from the star of HBO's gone-too-soon Looking and The People's Republic of Portland, using the power of song to share stories of love and heartbreak.
7:30 pm, Portland Center Stage, $25-65

Save Ferris, The Bandulus, Vista Kicks
The Orange County-hailing '90s ska punk band who took their name from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and made an on-screen appearance in 10 Things I Hate About You return to headline the Hawthorne Theatre in support of their brand new EP.
8 pm, Hawthorne Theatre, $16-20

'80s Video Dance Attack: St Patrick's Day Party
Celebrate St Patrick's Day at the Crystal with a special two-floor installment of VJ Kittyrox's recurring dance night which keeps MTV's golden era burning bright by projecting classic music videos on giant screens and rattling the dance floor with a thumping sound system.
9 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $8

Action Movie Night—Monster Edition: Hyborian Rage, Carnotaurus, Oxygen Destroyer, Power Beast, DJ Grantichrist
Action Movie Night returns to the High Water Mark, pairing local and touring metal acts with classic action movies played on the projector. Tonight's installment is monster-themed, with screenings of Nightbreed, Carnosaur, and Godzilla vs Space Godzilla.
9 pm, High Water Mark, $8

Saturday, Mar 18

Near Dark
Kathryn Bigelow's second film, 1987's Near Dark, is a weird, low-budget, slightly disjointed vampire western. If it didn't feature a completely unhinged Bill Paxton, it might have only been remembered for the many shots of apocalyptic beauty Bigelow and cinematographer Adam Greenberg captured. But Bill Paxton is in this film, and while his recent (and way-too-soon) death might still sting, it's almost impossible to watch him work and not feel joy. There is no catchphrase, no one-liner, no throwaway look that he doesn't turn into pure gold. Which is basically what Paxton did all the time. BOBBY ROBERTS
7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $9

Portland Timbers vs. Houston Dynamo
Providence Park was filled to the brim and buzzing for the Timber’s season opener, and while beating expansion side Minnesota United at home wasn’t a surprise, the five-goal offensive outburst stemming from the Timber’s newly retooled midfield gave us a bright glimpse of what this season could have in store. Houston’s own opening week win over defending champions Seattle will have their confidence running equally high, raising the stakes for tonight’s early season matchup. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
7:30 pm, Providence Park, $29.50-165, all ages

My Brother, My Brother, and Me
If you haven’t familiarized yourself with the McElroy brothers’ goof-driven advice podcast for the modern era, My Brother, My Brother, And Me, tonight’s sold out live taping might not present a realistic entry point. Fortunately, brothers Justin, Travis, and Griffin spent a chunk of 2016 developing a TV version of their beloved podcast for NBC’s Seeso streaming network, harnessing their remarkable chemistry into a digestible package for die-hards and newcomers alike. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
7 pm, Revolution Hall, $26

Saturday Morning Cartoon Brunch
While you're ordering your eggs and bacon, and filling that second cup of coffee, drink in the images and sounds from the bygone days of the Saturday morning cartoon era, as VJ Gregarious plays classic cartoons, videos, and clips from some of the strangest and most fun bits of kid-focused pop-culture the '80s had to offer.
11 am, Sandy Hut

Jesca Hoop
Fresh off her 2016 collaboration with Iron & Wine's Sam Beam, dynamic folk, jazz, and blues singer/songwriter Jesca Hoop returns to the Aladdin for a solo performance in support of her new Sub Pop-issued full-length, Memories Are Now. Read our story on Jesca Hoop
8 pm, Aladdin theater, $15, all ages

Meat Puppets, The Modern Era
From its beginnings as a Southwestern cow-punk parallel to the ’80s SoCal hardcore of Black Flag, the Phoenix, Arizona, three-piece Meat Puppets always had an ear for melodies. Even as 1984’s Meat Puppets II opens with the straight-up, no-chaser punk track “Split Myself in Two,” brothers Curt (guitar/vocals) and Cris Kirkwood (bass) immediately dive into twangy, psychedelic alt-country ditties “Magic Toy Missing,” “Lost,” “Plateau,” and full-on jam “Aurora Borealis.” Though Meat Puppets did achieve some mainstream success with the 1994 gold record Too High to Die, which features their only commercial hit, “Backwater,” they’ll most likely be remembered more for their direct influence of countless ’90s alternative megastars, including radio mainstays Everclear, Beck, and Nirvana. Meat Puppets assured their mark in rock history when Kurt Cobain asked the brothers Kirkwood to come onstage while he covered three of their songs during his legendary MTV Unplugged session. CAMERON CROWELL
9 pm, Doug Fir, $17-20

Your Fault for Listening
A live recording of the local interview show that's also a comedy podcast, with special guests Anica Cihla, JoAnn Schinderle, and Nick Puente.
7:30 pm, Ford Food & Drink

13th Annual Prom Gown Giveaway
Brides for a Cause and Abby's Closet present the 13th annual prom dress showcase, spread out over two days, giving high schoolers a chance to pick the perfect attire for the big dance, with over 6000 dresses available.
8 am, Oregon Convention Center

Irish Beer Festival
The first edition of what will hopefully become a new St. Patrick's Day tradition in Portland, the Irish Beer Festival features specialty Irish style beers and ciders from a dozen Northwest breweries including Deschutes, Grixsen, Burnside, Culmination, Cider Riot, Lucky Lab, and more, all offering up their best, with some providing brews made specifically for the event. Admission includes souvenir glass, seven taster tokens, and live music, entertainment, and food specials.
11 am, Kells Brewpub, $10-20

School Dance
Action/Adventure presents Matthew Whittet's coming-of-age comedy inspired by the films of John Hughes, about awkward teens awkwardly dancing as a means to bravely confront their own self-confidence issues.
8 pm, Action/Adventure Theater, $10-15

Slothrust, Sons of an Illustrious Father
Brooklyn-hailing trio Slothrust return to Portland with their distinct brand of jazz- and blues-tinged indie rock to headline the High Water Mark in support of their excellent 2016 full-length, Everyone Else.
9 pm, High Water Mark, $12

Persian New Year Dinner
Chef Chris Carriker presents a four-course dinner celebrating Middle East cuisine, with help from DJ Foad providing a live underscore to the proceedings. Menu items include herb egg frittata, pomegranate braised duck, and pistachio jelly roll.
7 pm, Bluehour, $65

St. Paddy's Day (After) Comedy Massacre
Milan Patel, Hunter Donaldson, and Wendy Weiss provide a humorous alternative to whatever drunken madness is happening outside the Fremont's doors. Plus there's gonna be "Irish-style" hot dogs available. What the fuck is an "Irish-style" hot dog? Some questions can only be answered through experience.
8 pm, Fremont Theater, $12

Dad Works Hard, Manx, The Carotids
I wouldn't have expected to enjoy the fusion of disco and scuzz-rock as much as I enjoy Dad Works Hard's debut album, The Saturday Nite Movie. But there's something to this unlikely combo meal that brings to mind shag-carpeted vans, bowling-alley chicken fingers, primitive video games, and really bad weed—in other words, an eternal adolescence stranded in late-'70s middle America. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, (The World Famous) Kenton Club

I Wake Up Dreaming: Film Noir Festival
Elliot Lavine, former programmer of San Francisco’s historic Roxie Theater (and a soon-to-be Portlander), brings 16 examples of the film noir style to Cinema 21, several on 35mm. With one or two exceptions, these are ticketed as double features; most of the films clock in at a brisk 80 or 90 minutes. Their concision only compounds their effectiveness—these are movies of paranoia, obsession, and unease, and they’re eerily applicable to the mood of 2017. NED LANNAMANN
See cinema21.com for titles and showtimes

Haley Heynderickx, Forest Veil, Black Belt Eagle Scout
Portland-based singer/songwriter Haley Heynderickx drops by the Alberta Street Pub to play a release show for her new EP, Unpeeled, with all ticket sales and 50% of sales of Montucky Cold Snacks being donated to APANO in support of their Roots to Rise project.
8 pm, Alberta Street Pub, $7

DJ Mark Farina
When DJ Mark Farina moved to San Francisco, he brought an encyclopedic knowledge of his native Chicago's metropolitan soul and filtered it through California's psychedelic breezes. His enlightened breakbeats, augmented by shimmery instrumentation and dub-hued production, became a subgenre called "mushroom jazz," and a series of compilations under that tag made Farina a household name in the downtempo and acid jazz communities. Equally lauded are his skills in house music, where Farina's sunny applications still reverberate through the subwoofers but his execution is more purist and meditative. This adherence to the classic Windy City ethos of his musical roots, coupled with legendarily ecstatic sets, have earned Farina the nickname of House Gangster, and an endlessly consistent schedule of crowd-pleasing club dates around the globe have only strengthened his reputation. CHRIS SUTTON
10 pm, 45 East, $10-15

Beauty and the Beast
It’s a tale as old as time—the kind of beautiful love story that subtly normalizes stuff like kidnapping and bestiality. CIARA DOLAN
Various Locations, see Movie Times for theaters and showtimes

Sunday, Mar 19

Isaiah Rashad, Lance Skiiiwalker, Jay IDK
Isaiah Rashad has a voice like bees. Not a swarm of bees, mind you. It’s more like two or three bees buzzing slowly around a Chattanooga field, hashing out the perils of fame, opining on the finer points of a southern upbringing, and, more than anything, rapping their asses off. You don’t want to miss Rashad or his bees voice, so figure out a way into this sold out show. DIRK VANDERHART
8 pm, Hawthorne Theatre, $15-19

Women of Color Social Donut Ride
Though Portland has one of the largest bicycling scenes in the US, there’s something to be said for its lack of diversity, especially when it comes to women of color. Friends on Bikes aims to grow diversity in Portland's cycling scene, starting with their first inaugural social donut ride this Sunday, followed by treats at Coco Donuts. The collective welcomes women, trans, femme, and non-binary cyclists of color to join their cause beyond just community rides. JENÉ ETHERIDGE
9:30 am, Wilshire Park

David Shields
Prolific best-selling author David Shields returns to Portland to read from his latest, Other People: Takes & Mistakes, a collection of 70-plus essays written over the course of the last 35 years exploring human connection and our unquenchable desire to know and understand one another completely.
7:30 pm, Powell's City of Books

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Vita & The Woolf
Old-timers may remember the mid-’00s as a golden era for music discovery. MP3 blogs ran wild in the early days of file-sharing, and record labels tried to figure out how to navigate this new reality. For a time, music geeks with oddly named websites became tastemakers, and weird little bands like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah found themselves riding the hype-wave seemingly overnight. For a dozen years now, CYHSY’s Alec Ounsworth has been releasing records that always get compared to his band’s buzzy 2005 debut, fairly or not. Their latest is called The Tourist, and it finds Ounsworth returning to his favorite wells: wiry indie rock built on rubbery bass lines, modest experimentation with electronics, and twisted lyrics delivered in his adenoidal warble. What’s new: the influence of producer Dave Fridmann, who’s worked on two other CYHSY releases before now, but never so obviously. His distinctive shimmer and warm ambiance closes the distance between Ounsworth and the listener. BEN SALMON
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $18-20

Kelli Schaefer, Dan Dan
Local avant-garde pop musician Kelli Schaefer plays a Sunday Session release show for her new full-length, No Identity.
9 pm, Rontoms, free

Emily Wells
Sonic deconstructionist Emily Wells is a master in the art of poetic, structured play. Ripping at the seams of classical technique with the Knife/Lykke Li-style electronica, Wells is a one-woman orchestra, spinning a transfixing web that blends the familiar with the experimental. JENI WREN STOTTRUP
9 pm, Doug Fir, $13-15

Chronixx & ZincFence Redemption
The Jamaican reggae artist returns to Portland with his backing band in tow to spread some sunshine throughout the Wonder Ballroom and kick-start Spring a day early.
9 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $22.50-28, all ages

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
In May 1997, that one dude from Wayne's World decided to make a weird, crushed-velvet sort of James Bond spoof. He called it Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, and it left theaters pretty quietly. Later that year it hit home video, where it blew the fuck up, leading to a fusillade of ass-pulled catchphrases dominating pop culture for almost a decade and a pair of sequels that kept getting bigger as their quality kept declining, eventually shrinking the difference between Bond and Powers down to zero. That first movie turns 20 this year, and despite all the bullshit that sprouted up around it—it's a good comedy, and worth a revisit. Just try to keep your tired fuckin' "Yeah baby!" to yourself. BOBBY ROBERTS
5:45 pm, 8:30 pm, Mission Theater

Castles and Wizards
Conductor Norman Huynh and narrator Pam Mahon guide the Oregon Symphony, the Pacific Youth Choir, and Dance West through a special matinee program for young audiences featuring music from Harry Potter and more.
2 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $10-40, all ages

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!