Welcome to the last weekend of July, where basically everything is happening all at once. Two giant local music fests are breaking out simultaneously, at the same time as a theater festival takes the stage, at the same time Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Neil fucking Diamond hit town. And then (then!) there are two local basketball tournaments, one of the city's best fashion shows, a craft fair, a cannabis fair, and Ed fucking Sheeran. And that's not even the half of this weekend's full story. It's a big one, no doubt: Hit the links below and load your plate accordingly.
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Neil Diamond
No oneâs taken more knocks that the perennially uncool Neil Diamond, and yet here he stands, more than 50 years after his first hit âSolitary Man,â still packing arenas and making grandmas happy as countless hot-new-things have fallen by the wayside. The only explanation? The New York-born singer/songwriter has simply one of the greatest catalogs of American popular music ever writtenâone that goes A LOT deeper than âSweet Caroline.â But donât worry, heâll play that too. NED LANNAMANN
8 pm, Moda Center, $69.50-450, all ages
Rigsketball Musicfest 2017
Portland locals are generally pretty friendly, but they get fired up over their sports. Baseball fans have the Portland Pickles, soccer fans have the Timbers, and the Rose City wouldnât be the same without its basketball team, the Trail Blazers. The cityâs love of both athletics and music intersects with the annual Rigsketball tournament, which is like basketball, but the regulation-height hoop is attached to a tour van and the players are all local musicians. The first few rounds took place at this yearâs PDX Pop Now!, and the finals will happen during an expanded three-day music festival. On Thursday, music from Boone Howard, Kulululu, Kyle Craft, and the Woolen Men will ease the sting of any losses. The next dayâs semifinals will feature heavy hitters like the Lavender Flu and Cat Hoch, and donât miss Saturday. Itâs not only the finals for the Rigsketball games, but itâs also got the most stacked lineup: Donte Thomas and Tribe Mars bring diversity to the festâs rock heaviness, surf band Melt will celebrate the release of their new EP, and Chanti Darling headline the entire affair. Since Rigsketball Musicfest is free, thereâs nothing to lose (except for maybe a round of basketball). CERVANTE POPE
Jul 27-29, 6 pm, Eagles Lodge (F.O.E.#3256), free
JAW: A Playwright's Festival
Every summer, emerging playwrights are selected from a competitive pool to develop, revise, and debut brand-new work at Portland Center Stage during the nationally appreciated JAW: A Playwrights Festivalâall for the low, low cost of zero dollars to you. As a sneak peek at new theater creators making cool shit, JAW is more than worth your time. Throw in air conditioning and youâd be a fool not to go. MEGAN BURBANK
Jul 28-30, 4 pm, 8 pm, Portland Center Stage, free
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Live!
Mystery Science Theater 3000's Watch Out for Snakes! tour comes to Portland. Join MST3K creator Joel Hodgson, the show's new host Jonah Heston (Jonah Ray), and robot friends Crow (Hampton Yount), Tom Servo, and Gypsy as they take to the Schnitzer stage to present a special live version of the show coupled with a screening of the 1962 horror film Eegah.
8 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $39.50-299
Robin Bacior, Chris Staples, Leah Grams Johnson
Robin Bacior's songs come at you like a Viking ship sliding through a foggy dawn toward the light. Creating movement with her simple yet ballet-like piano, and accentuated by simple orchestral elements, singer/songwriter (and Mercury contributor) Bacior sets the pace in these quieter and fiery moments. Then she draws the listener back with soothing and reassuring vocals. JENI WREN STOTTRUP
8 pm, Fremont Theater, $10-12
Brumes, Derek Hunter Wilson, David Allred
Brumes is the ambient pop project of Portland-based musician DesireĂ© Rousseau, who released her full-length debut, Soundings in Fathoms, in 2015. Just last month she unveiled that albumâs follow-up, After Glow, via Belgiumâs Dauw Label. Its 12 tracks find parallels between opposite extremesâtheyâre lush, but sparse; folksy, but coated in space dust; droning and expansive, but nestled into one distinct corner of the universe. Throughout Brumesâ tenure in Portland, Rousseau has worked with an array of collaborators. After Glowâwhich was recorded at Phil Elverumâs Unknown Recording Studio in Anacortes, Washingtonâis the product of her work with eight other musicians, who contributed everything from vibraphone to trumpet. Sadly, this little Beacon Sound show will Brumesâ last in Portland for the foreseeable future, since Rousseau is moving to Belgium. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, Beacon Sound, free
XDS, Genders, MĂĄscaras, Donald Beaman
XDS (formally Experimental Dental School) are the long-running experimental psych punk and pop duo consisting guitarist/vocalist/sampler Jesse Hall and drummer Shoko Horikawa. Once a fixture in the Portland scene, XDS have since moved on to sunnier scenery, which means you won't want to miss out when they return to town for a headlining show supporting their 2017 full-length.
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $6-8
Worriers, Typesetter, Mikey Erg, Paper Thin Youth
Brooklyn-based artist and singer/sognwriter Lauren Denitzio brings her politically charged melodic punk project back to Portland for an all ages show in the Analog Lounge. Joining her are Chicago-hailing indie rock quartet Typesetter, New Jersey punk rock scene staple Mikey Erg, and local pop punk outfit Paper Thin Youth.
6 pm, The Analog Cafe & Little Theater, $10, all ages
Jon Lovitz
Spend some time inside the mind of the man who created some of Saturday Night Live's best known characters, including the Pathological Liar, Master Thespian, and Hanukkah Harry, before going on to portray Jay Sherman in the underrated prime time animated series The Critic and eventually diving head first into the stand-up comedy pool of the 2000s.
7:30 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $25-38
Twilight Fest
An exposition of some of Portlandâs best under-the-radar punk and metal takes over the Twilight CafĂ© this weekend for the inaugural Twilight Fest. Thirty-seven bands are poised for three days of sneered mania, but the event is tame enough during the daytime that all ages will be admitted. When the sun sets on Friday, expect blistering sets on Friday from the likes of My Life in Black and White, Hot LZâs, and Muddy River Nightmare Band. Saturdayâs lineup boasts punk rock lifers the Latter Day Skanks, the Ransom, the Decliners, and Exacerbators, while the Sunday finale refuses to pump the breaks with fiery performances expected by Die Like Gentleman, Saola, and Gorgon Stare. Day shows are free, and the night shows will only set you back $5. RYAN J. PRADO
Jul 28-30, 8:30 pm Fri, 1 pm & 8 pm Sat, 1 pm Sun, Twilight Cafe & Bar, $5
Music of the Revolution: Fernando, Trujillo, Tin Silver
El Programa Hispano has supported low-income Latinos in the Portland metro since 1982 and provide social services to around 13,000 Latinos per year. This benefit concert was organized by Fernando Viciconte, frontman of Fernando Band and a formerly undocumented resident of the US for 12 years. EMILLY PRADO
9:30 pm, LaurelThirst Public House, $10
Blackalicious, Zion-I
When old-school groups hit the road years after their heyday, fans are usually curious and a little apprehensiveâsometimes itâs to release a new album, sometimes itâs a cash-grab. But Bay Area rap duo Blackalicious has bigger plans: In 2015, they released Imani Vol. 1, their first album in over a decade, which Gift of Gab stated was the first in a three-part series to be released over the next two years. Though weâve yet to see the second and third volumes, Gab also said that he and his dynamic partner Chief Xcel wrote over 60 songs during the initial Imani process, meaning there's tons of new material. Maybe Blackalicious was just fooling everyone, or maybe someday they'll debut their next "Alphabet Aerobics"-like opus. Either way, they'll forever be revered as hip-hop historians. CERVANTE POPE
8 pm, Star Theater, $20
The Summer Fair
The Oregon Cannabis Association presents this free festival for anyone who loves the fact they live in Oregon where cannabis is legal and you can purchase all manner of cannabis-related product freely. There will be food, and games, arts and crafts, and of course, a presence from over fifty cannabis producers, processors, retailers, and other makers. Admission is free, but you must secure a ticket to attend.
11 am, The North Warehouse, free
Rip City 3-on-3 and Portland 3x3 Women's Basketball Tournament
âTis the weekend for hoops and fundraising. Saturday, the Human Rights Campaign is putting on its ninth annual Portland 3x3 Womenâs Basketball Tournament for those who identify as women. The $20 per person or $80 per team registration fee gets you a yearly membership to the HRC (register by July 27 at noon!). The fourth annual Rip City 3-on-3, hosted by Trail Blazers at the Rose Quarter on Saturday and Sunday, is a benefit for Special Olympics Oregon. Itâs too late to register for the popular and competitive tourney, but itâs fun to check out regardless (stay for the slam dunk contest). DOUG BROWN
Rip City 3x3 Jul 29-30, Rose Quarter; Portland 3x3 Women's Basketball Tournament Jul 29, 9 am, Irving Park
10,000 Maniacs
The multi-platinum alternative rock band out of Jamestown, New York who have been at it for over 35 years swing through Portland for an intimate show at the Doug Fir Lounge.
9 pm, Doug Fir, $30
Brandi Carlile
Brandi Carlile, born in a tiny Washington town called Ravensdale, got a gig singing behind an Elvis impersonator, came to Seattle, turned herself into a band, got signed by Columbia Records, won over the critics, sold a song to General Electric, sold records, recorded with the Seattle Symphony, sold more records, came out, got married, and had a kid, not necessarily in that order. REBECCA WILSON
7 pm, Oregon Zoo, $45-100, all ages
Chris Pureka, Elisabeth Pixley-Fink
An evening of heart-on-sleeve indie folk tunes from the Portland-based singer-songwriter who is currently playing shows in support her latest album, Back in the Ring, and her new live CD / DVD release, which was recorded at Jammin Java in Vienna, VA.
7 pm, Revolution Hall, $17
Renegade Craft Fair
It's true there are a lot of craft fairs in this city, but Renegade Craft Fair is one of the bigger and better ones, particularly since it adds a healthy sprinkling of vendors traveling from out of state to mix in with some of our own region's all-stars. MARJORIE SKINNER
Jul 29-30, 11 am, Rejuvenation, free
Cosi Fan Tutte
Though the misogynistic undertones of its libretto (and title) canât be denied, there are five good reasons to catch this madcap production of CosĂŹ fan tutteâwhich roughly translates to âwomen are like thatââregardless of its occasional sexism: 1) Nobody goes to an opera for the plotline, anyways. 2) With crisp perfection, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart composed unparalleled music for the female voice, and leading ladies Antonia Tamer and Kate Farrar are guaranteed to display the upper limits of transportive vocal clarity. 3) All six performances will be sung in Italian, so you can either follow along with the English text projected above the stage, or just close your eyes and allow the most beautiful language in the world wash over you. 4) Intriguingly, Alison Heryerâs new costume design pairs contemporary fashion alongside opulent 18th-century attire. 5) Anytime a live orchestra supports an array of unplugged human voices in the utterly kickass Newmark Theatre, itâs a special occasion. BRIAN HORAY
7:30 pm, Newmark Theatre, $35-200
Kulululu, Plastic Cactus, An Atomic Whirl
Kulululu is trying to confuse usâfor starters, their name is Kulululu. Onstage, they don wigs and Phantom of the Opera-style masks. In the Portland groupâs Bandcamp bio, they claim to be aliens from a distant galaxy. Their music only adds to the disorientation; itâs art-punk operating within the parameters of free jazz, and itâs real weird. This week, theyâre releasing a new self-titled album. Pogo-stick rhythms devolve into saxophone freak-outs on tracks like âGreen Grassâ and âBee Ba Do Ba Dow,â while âCrab Dadâ and âCrab Dad Againâ refine the art of the sub-one-minute punk explosion. âWe Are Kulululuâ is the bandâs mission statement, which appears to be larksome experimentation. Though this doesnât always pan outâitâs easy to get lost in the gimmicky hazeâtheir potential shines through on songs like âHands to Yourself.â Kulululu will celebrate the recordâs release this Saturday night at Turn! Turn! Turn! CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, Turn! Turn! Turn!, $5
Second Chances: Lisa Mann
A special benefit concert from one of Portland's blues queens, benefitting Mercy Corps Northwest's Re-entry Transition Center.
9 pm, Catfish Lou's, $10
Wheeler Walker Jr.
The filthy country music singer alter ego of comedian Ben Hoffman returns to Portland to kick some redneck shit on the Dante's stage.
9 pm, Dante's, $22.50-25
The Crystal Method (DJ Set), Gabriel Driscoll, Casey Vann
The renowned Las Vegas-based electronic music duo (consisting of Ken Jordan and Scott Kirkland) get full run of the tables at 45 East when they swing through Portland for a special DJ set.
10 pm, 45 East, $10-15
The Alley 33 Fashion Event
For those style-watchers who religiously follow Portland fashion, the Alley 33 Fashion Event is one of the biggest, and best shindigs of the year. Sure, you could call it a âshow,â except that the inclusion of a mega 90-foot runway, amazing design talent, and vendors galore make it much more of an âevent.â Produced by Mercury writers Cassie Ridgway and Elizabeth Mollo, you can expect top designs from Alyson Clair, EcoVibe, Allihalla, FrĂ€ulein Couture, Carla Mink, Opal Heart, and many more. Go to see, and be seen. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
4:30 pm, Eagles Lodge (F.O.E.#3256), $10.49, all ages
Ed Sheeran
I donât care what you Game of Thrones-obsessed folk say about Ed Sheeran, or whether or not his appearance was warranted on your rapey little dragon show. Ed is one of the greatest songwriting/singing/guitar-playing treasures my generation has to offer! Need proof? Watch his SNL performance of âDonât,â or âShape of Youâ on this yearâs Grammys, or his Stevie Wonder tribute alongside BeyoncĂ© and Gary Clarke Jr. If those donât make you want to see him live I donât know what will. Too bad itâs sold out, haters. (Maybe try StubHub?) JENNI MOORE
7:30 pm, Moda Center, $39.50-89.50, all ages
Montavilla Street Fair
Stark gets shut down between SE 76th and 82nd to make room for the return of this inclusive, family-friendly community block(s) party, including vendors, a Farmer's Market, live music, and activities and games for kids.
11 am, SE Stark & SE 76th, free, all ages
Taiwan Housing Project, Lithics, Miss Rayon
The first song on Veblen Death Maskâthe new Kill Rock Stars-issued debut from Taiwan Housing Projectâis called âSalt Sugar Fire,â and somehow, thatâs the perfect way to describe this Philly-based noise-punk-art-skronk bandâs sound. Itâs gritty and sharp-edged; taking in too much at once might make you recoil. At the same time, charming melodies surface regularly, as if to provide respite from the ruckus. Listening to this stuff is like being set ablaze⊠in a good way. Taiwan Housing Project is a collaboration between Mark Feehan (formerly of â90s noisemakers Harry Pussy) and Kilynn Lunsford (ex-Little Claw), and their aim seems to be lo-fi rock ânâ roll shambles spiced up with horn bleats, ragged strings, decayed synths, broken drones, unhinged rhythms, harsh fuzz, and wild howls and yelps. This is shamanistic groove-pop for the adventurous weirdo. Clangorous and beautiful. BEN SALMON
8 pm, The Know
George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic
George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic probably have one of the most diverse fanbases in the worldâwhen it comes to race, age, general music taste, inhaling/not inhaling, etc.âbecause in addition to inventing P-Funk, their metamorphosis since the 1960s bears the legacy of a half century in popular music. Respect. MARJORIE SKINNER
8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $32.50-35
Mega Bog, Dragging an Ox Through Water
Over the past nine years, Mega Bog has undergone countless transformations. What began as a surfy dream-pop band straddling the indie-folk line has established itself as a wild card beyond compare. Erin Birgy, the group's ringleader, does what she wants and, if you're wise, you follow wherever she takes you. Mega Bog's 2014 breakthrough, Gone Banana, asked fans to reconsider jazz fusion with âCareless Whisperâ-style saxophone parts, and their latest, Happy Together, transcends genre boundaries altogether. The album's genius is in how uniquely unsatisfying it isâsongs make expectations just to break them, building up steam just to simmer out. With reference points that might be the Raincoatsâ Odyshape, John Cale's Artificial Intelligence, and Nico's Desert Shore, itâs easily one of the most innovative pop records of the year. JOSHUA JAMES AMBERSON
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $10-12
DogFest Walk 'n' Roll Portland
A festival for dogs, doggos, puppers, good boys, and every other canine variation of inestimable quality, with proceeds from the fest benefitting Canine Companions. Includes demonstrations with dog trainers, canine artists (meaning people will paint pictures of your dog, not that there are dogs who can paint, which would be awesome), children's activities, and prizes to win.
11 am, Oaks Amusement Park, all ages
Portland Festival Symphony
Director Gregory Vajda and the Portland Festival Symphony present Rough and Ready: An American Outdoor Overture live at Laurelhurst Park as part of Portland Parks and Recreation's Concerts in the Park series.
6:30 pm, Laurelhurst Park, free, all ages
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
The miracle of this film isn't so much that animation and live action were blended so seamlessly (although that's still legitimately fucking amazing to behold), nor is it that the novelty of seeing Daffy and Donald Duck onscreen at the same time has yet to wear off (although it probably never will)âthe real miracle is that underneath all of Robert Zemeckis and Richard Williams cel-shaded polish and technical achievement, an honest-to-god twisty-turny noir film is humming on all cylinders, delivering a Chinatown-styled commentary on the powers that be selling out its own citizens and turning their homes into parking lots all for a little extra scratch. But! If you just wanna watch Roger spit all over Eddie and turn into a steam whistle, it's still fun as hell and worth a watch on the big screen. BOBBY ROBERTS
3 pm, Fifth Avenue Cinema
Snow Roller, Spit-Take, Horse Movies, World Record Winner
Snow Roller is one of the crown jewels in Portland DIY music, and this month they finally released their sophomore full-length, XXL. Itâs an easy contender for album of the year, and a testament to rock ânâ roll's alive and well status in 2017. Around every corner is another catchy guitar riff served with uncompromising energy and earnestness. Collin Kritz is the mastermind behind Snow Roller, and his songwriting touches on everything from quitting weed to his cat (the beloved Fritz) to heartbreak. XXL challenges the myth that all our city has to offer is mediocre radio-ready indie and past-their-prime old dudes making psych rock. DELANEY MOTTER
7:30 pm, Black Water Bar, $7, all ages
MĂĄscaras, Ghost Frog, Amani
Local trio MĂĄscaras' eight-track 2015 debut, MĂĄscara vs. MĂĄscara, is one nebulous glob of psychedelic soundsâguitar riffs bite and bleed together for an effect thatâs intoxicating and danceable. CIARA DOLAN
8:30 pm, Rontoms, free
Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!