thursday! oct. 26

BEAUTY--If you like any of the following things: teleporters, vibraphones, space, nebulas, mysteries, water, godspeed, loud guitars, or any music created at any point in time ever, then you will see the incredible, orchestral Swords Project tonight. (see Up & Coming pg 22) JS
Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine St, 230-2111, 8 pm, $5, all ages

READING--Wildly popular for his satirical, playful and, well, gay, yarn-spinning, San Francisco's Armistead Maupin is out promoting his latest book, The Night Listener. As hypnotic as his narratives are, San Francisco's favorite chronicler is even more entertaining in per- son, telling tales about friends, lovers and glory holes. PB First Unitarian Church,1011 SW 12th Ave,246-2411, 7:30 pm.

friday! oct. 27

ART--Last chance to check out three local up-and-coming art-a-roos and their contemporary, misshapen paintings,slick pop sensibilities and gritty street attitudes. KD Big Fat Warehouse, 630 SE 3rd, 6-8:30 pm, free

FOOTBALL--Hey, the Willamette Week may be scared of high school football, but we ain't! There's nothing we like better on a cool, crisp autumn night than watching meathead teenagers knocking skulls. Our pick for this week: It's the 4-A 1999 champs Beaverton Beavers vs. the Hillsboro Spartans! Our prediction: Though a mere shadow of last year's championship team, the Beav will triumph 35-28! WSH
Beaverton High School Football Stadium, 13000 SW 2nd Ave,259-5000, 7:30 pm, $5

saturday! oct. 28

MUSIC--This is the new modern symphony--one that changes both perspectives and lives. This is the powerful Montreal nine-piece that lives in abstract classical bodies. This is godspeed you black emperor!, and it needs to be little else. JS
Aladdin Theatre, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 233-1994, 7 pm, $12

sunday! oct. 29

PUMPKIN--Peter Pumpkin your picker all the way to Sauvie Island. The island to the north has all but been taken over by an army of pumpkins there for the taking (well, with a little cash on the crackerbarrel). Also, take a swing through the corn maze that is now populated with ghouls and creeps. Hey, sounds sort of like Old Town. PB
Sauvie Island Pumpkin Patch, two miles past the bridge, Sun-Thurs 10-6, Fri-Sat 10-10,$6 for corn maze

monday! oct. 30

SCARY READING--Not for the faint of heart! Editor Adam Parfrey will read from Apocalypse Culture II, the follow-up to his wildly controversial book which explores corporate mind control, taboo art, and sexual fetishism. Peter Sotos will also be on hand to read from Lazy, a graphic exploration of the sex industry, and the infamous Jim Goad will share tidbits from his Redneck Manifesto. Trust us. You'll want to keep the kids at home! WSH Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside,228-4651, 7:30 pm, free

tuesday! oct. 31

OPEN HOUSE--And you thought STDs were frightening! Traipse through North Portland's former whorehouse, the White Eagle. It is rumored to be truly haunted! Check out their new cheap-as-hell hotel rooms; have some beers; yuk it up to the Freak Mt. Ramblers; and watch out for the ghost pimps. KD McMenamins White Eagle, 836 N Russell, 8:30 pm, $5

DJ SPOOKY--Unlike many DJs, his name really does explain what this guy's about: weird, scary sounds that he mixes up in some magical way that makes them both ethereal and pleasurable. KD
Cobalt Lounge 32 NW 3rd Ave, 225-1003

wednesday! nov. 1

MUSIC--Miss this show and I guarantee you'll regret it. Not only are The Roots the most booty-licious hip hoppers out there, but they've a reputation for a killer show. KD
Roseland Theater, 10 NW 6th Ave, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $26, all ages