THURSDAY JUNE 14

DRAG--What better way to start off your weekend than with a bunch of big hairy moustaches, stiletto heels, and sweaty plastic melons--all jiggling in your face?! The lovely Poison Waters will be hosting this drag-a-rrific hodgepodge of kings, queens, and general gender fucks, along with Max Ferry, Portland's favorite drag king. KD

Genderbenders shows at the Egyptian Room, 3701 SE Division, 9 pm, 236-8689

ROCK--It takes a lot for me to get busy with the blues-rock, but Bantam Rooster gets me shaking the shimmy all night long. They play old-school hot and swampy without sounding derivative; they've got their own trashy energy without being poseurs; and they're LOUD without being cocksure pee-holes. Check 'em out before they get extra-famous. JS

Satyricon, 125 NW 6th Ave, 243-2380, 9 pm


FRIDAY JUNE 15

READING--Who the hell doesn't like David Sedaris? I mean, he's only like the funniest, most clever, most relevant essayist and radio voice in America. He'll be reading from his new book, Me Talk Pretty One Day, a collection of short stories about growing up in America. But get there early--the bookstore will be packed to the brim.

Twenty-Third Avenue Books, 1015 NW 23rd Ave, 7:30 pm, 224-6203, free

IPRC BENEFIT--The Independent Publishing Resource Center helps all the lovable zine-fiends in Portland get their fine publications off the ground. That's just about as nice as adopting a lonely stray from the pound. Support these do-gooders and hear some kickin' tunes in exchange. Featuring Willy Vlautin, Amy Annelle, Kissing Book, and Roy Tinsel. KS

Stumptown Coffee, 4525 SE Division, 230-7797, 7pm, $5


SATURDAY JUNE 16

DR. OCTAGON--I was supposed to see Dr. Octagon about five years ago, but right before, some guy came on stage and said "Sadly, Dr. Octagon's mom died and he won't be able to play." Thankfully, he can only use that excuse once, so he should be showing up for this gig and bringing along his seamless lyrics, frenetic energy, and uncomplicated crystal clear beats. I guarantee you'll kick yourself if you don't go. KD

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W. Burnside, 7:00, $20-$25

SARDINE-IT--The best arena-pop organ/ drum duo in the universe, Mates of State, literally packed the Meow Meow last time they were here. So when they play a free in-store at Jackpot Records today, how are we all going to fit? You should probably camp outside with your sleeping bag. I am not kidding. JS

Fabulous Jackpot Records, 3736 SE Hawthorne Blvd, 239-7561, noon, free


SUNDAY JUNE 17

GAY PARADE--Ahhhhh... the one day every year when Portland throws her arms open to hot sweaty homos humping down the street. And though you will probably not witness anything even remotely shocking, you will see the Mercury float, which at least promises to be slightly disturbing. See page 11 for other fun gay events! WSH

Gay Pride Parade, starts at Lincoln High, ends at Saturday Market, 12:30 pm, free (except for your everlasting SOUL.)


MONDAY JUNE 18

HIPHOP--Who needs the gays when you've got funk? Especially when you've got these kind of West Coast jazz beats and razor-fine MC skills?! Check out the Beatnuts, including Swollen Members, Checkmate, Primero, DJ Bles, and a crazy B-Boy Battle with $150 cash prizes! KD

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 8 pm, $16-$18


TUESDAY JUNE 19

BASKETBALL--Joy is to disappointment like the WNBA's Portland Fire are to the Blazers. With more flare, make-up, and well-oiled team playing than their male counterparts, the Fire has moved into their first winning season ever! Lead by new recruit, Jackie Stiles--a two-season, top NCAA scorer--the team is putting together a potential championship run. Eat your heart out, Rasheed. PB

Rose Garden, One Center Ct, 797-9622, 7 pm, $5-75


WEDNESDAY JUNE 20

FILM--It's about time that Americans got a load of some Asian pop icons--instead of it always being the other way around. Time & Tide has a bunch of Eastern stars, an accidental pregnancy, quality friendship, and of course, gang war! Certainly better than another re-run of the stupid West Wing. KS

Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, 223-4515, 7 pm, $6