STRIPPER BINGO--It's an annual tradition with the Portland Cacophony Society: Dress up fancy, go to the Acropolis strip club, play bingo, and tip the strippers! What better way to say "I love you, stripper," than to present a nude lady with a crisp dollar bill and a mooshy-gooshy valentine? Plus, there's a chance for YOU to get prizes, too! O, what a jolly holiday! WSH

Acropolis Club, 8325 SE Mcloughlin Blvd, 231-9611, 7 pm

DINNER & A MOVIE--Are you unemployed, yet feel you must do something special for Valentine's Day (created by Hallmark)? Try A Cheap Date for Cheapskates! It's a potluck (bring a dish, preferably meatless). Later, check out Scott Beiben's Lost Film Fest (sponsored by Tofurkey), as he tells you how to self-distribute films, pull pranks, and shows you real footage from WTC, sans corporate media slant. JS

Potluck & Lost Film Fest, Nicole's (so be nice!), 617 NE Fremont, 282-6405, 7 pm, $4


PRIDS--A prid can be so many things, really. It's a kind of African goat. It's an exclamation of emphatic joy. In this circumstance, it's a band member. One of the beautiful, melodic, slightly '80s goth people, who play musical explosions that make you re-embrace your love of everything bloody and death-like. And now they're releasing an EP. Oh, Prid! KD

The Prids' EP release party, w/Sumerland, The Windows; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd, 8 pm, 282-9949

PORN--Recently, the Mercury was accused by one dude of being "not dirty enough." So we'd like to continue the trend by recommending Dracula Sucks, some down-n-dirty porno starring none other than Mr. Hugecock, John Holmes. He runs an insane asylum with his buddy, and helps mental patients "feel better," until, yikes... sexy Dracula starts killing everyone. KS

Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 11:30 pm, $6


DIYinPDX--Iris Porter, chanteuse of The Culottes and purveyor of Tin Can Sound records, is compiling a wonderful public scrapbook called DIY in PDX, which documents do-it-yourself culture in Portland. To help benefit printing costs, DIY-proactive bands Laurel Canyon, The Dimes, and The Rubella are playing a show just for you! JS

It's a Beautiful Pizza, 3341 SE Belmont, 233-5444, 7 pm

FILM--So perhaps you're not bold enough to take your new lover to a straight-up porno. Be sneaky. Take him or her to see Warm Water Under a Red Bridge, about a Japanese man going through a mid-life crisis, who gets a large helping of the all-time best depression cure--some booty. KS

Broadway Metroplex, 1000 SW Broadway, 221-1156, 7:15 pm, $7


HOTROD!--Omigawd! With hundreds of the hottest hotrods and motorcycles, the Portland Rod & Custom Show never fails to be hee-larious redneck fun--but dig this shiznit! Some of the more famous hotrods onsite include the original Batmobile, the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard, the DeLorean from Back to the Future, and the Pokemon Pikachu-Mobile! WSH

Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine Dr, 736-5206, 10 am-6 pm, $12

HIPHOP--Los Angeles is home to the dopest underground hiphop; just ask the Project Blowed and Afterlife emcees at the Tonic tonight. You'll be astonished and charmed by the talents of the super emcee Bus Driver! JS

w/ CVE, Hip Hop Klan, OMD's Xololanxinxo, Chu Chu, Cypha 7, DJ Wicked; Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 239-5154, 9 pm, $8-10


IN-LINE SKATING--For one season, I joined an in-line hockey team. My claim to fame was that I spent the league's most time in the penalty box, mostly from illicit cross-checking. Unfortunately tonight, no Rollerball antics are allowed; but, you don't have to wait another four months until the pavement outside dries up. The whole indoor concourse is open for skating. PB

Memorial Coliseum, 300 Winning Way, 797-9619, 6:30 pm-9:30 pm, $7


MUSIC--When I first heard Desaparecidos, the new band featuring Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst, I was not into their straightforward, harmonic guitars. But then I kept listening because of the intriguing, political lyrics, and its openness grew on me, and now I love them! Proof that honesty almost always makes music sound better. JS See Music pg 13

w/ The Prom, 31knots; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, $7, all ages


CENSORSHIP, BAD--The Independent Publishing Resource Center and Portland IndyMedia publicize dangerous censorship in our society by discussing Project Censored: The Top 100 Censored Stories. This seminar promises to teach you something and, for sure, hold your interest. KS

Portland State, Smith Center Ballroom, 1825 SW Broadway, 6:30-9 pm, $5-10 sliding scale

READING--What's a girl to do? The new generation of young women has gone without a timely guide to navigating the sexual wilderness. Cynthia Heimel's Advanced Sex Tips for Girls might just be the next Our Bodies, Our Selves. MS

Powell's on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne, 7:30 pm, free