THURSDAY, june 13

SHORTS--Those Super 8-addled Tiny Picture Club monkeys have pooped out another wacky brick, and it smells like pathological fun. "Heroes & Villains" presents over twenty-five shorts, musing on those who protect and destroy, backed by live accompaniment from the Heroes & Villains Band. Wear costumes, okay? MS

Guild Theater, 1219 SW Park, 221-1156, 8pm, $5

HEAVY DUTY MUSIC--Leave your neon halter tops at home: Tired of the fluffy cotton candy of the Rose Festival and the airhead teenyboppers of summer? Electric Wizard will fill your brain with leaden bass lines and slow-tempo metal as thick as pine tar. PB w/Sons of Otis, Unearthly Trance, YOB; Satyricon, 135 NW 6th, 243-2380, 9 pm, $10

FRIDAY, june 14

HIPHOP--Check out local emcee Madgesdiq, who raps as nonchalant as if he were sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Backed by mellow beats, and samples that range from drumbeats, to voice tracks, to violins, to rain sounds, he's cool as ice without ever being sleepy. KS

w/Blak Scienz Tribe, Kiew-Nikon, Mike Crenshaw, 7th Science, Aug Dog; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $8 w/2 cans of food, $12 without

THEATER--Sometimes plays are worth seeing just because they have a premise so bizarre, you can't even really imagine what the show will be about. For example, take a play called The Birth of the Stick Figure Battery Baby--about the birth of a robot sick figure baby and its effects on the fate of humankind. What the?! KD

Stillbeautymovement at the Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne, Fri-Sat 10:30, by donation

SATURDAY, june 15

ROCK--Why was the Rock n' Roll Camp For Girls invented only after I got stuck building fences at commie Bible camp?! Lucky cute-as-buggers Mother May I and Devolution Revolution celebrate the camp's CD release, alongside Pinky Swear, Pom Pom Meltdown, and more. MS

Mississippi Rising Ballroom, 833 N Shaver, 771-4789, 7pm, $2

BREASTS--So the pride parade happens every year, and it's great to be supportive and all, but let's be honest... it's B-O-R-I-N-G. The real fun happens at the Dyke March, where a bunch of big, sweaty, topless dykes ride around on their bikes, and look really hot and cool. See (or ride) for yourself. KD

Saturday June 15, 6 pm North Park Blocks, NW Davis & NW Park, 309-5777 for info

SUNDAY, june 16

MUSIC--Take a week off from gardening or balancing your checkbook, and spend your Sunday buying cheap as hell CDs from NW labels like K, Cavity Search, Jealous Butcher, or Hush. And, while you're reviving your CD collection, catch the live music of the Hunches, the Triggers, Rally Boy, Electric Eye, Captain vs. Crew, Icanlickanysobinthehouse, and King Louie. It's a Sunday's dream come true. KS

Billy Ray's, 2216 NE MLK, 287-7254, 2 pm, free

MONDAY, june 17

HEART-MELTING--Gingerly treading the matters of death and distance, Nina Nastasia's dark and delicate, Southern Gothic lullabies, with soft, old-world-sounding lyrics and pretty acoustic guitar, are swooning enough to make a person melt into a big, murky puddle. JS

w/Carissa's Weird, Boxstep Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 224-TIXX, 8 pm, $8

HOMO SKATE--Omigod, it's just like Xanadu! Gorgeous gays and dykes whip around and around the rink at the Rosetown Ramblers Homo Roller Skating Party at Oaks Park. Be sure to bring a non-perishable food item for Esther's Pantry, and no more sneaking up behind me and pinching my ass! That shit went out of style in high school! WSH

Oaks Park Roller Rink, East end of Sellwood Bridge, www.rdrop.com/users/ramblers, 7:30 to 9:30 pm, $5

TUESDAY, june 18

READING--Darin Strauss' latest, The Real McCoy, is so strange--and ambiguously true. The story tells itself: After taking over the persona of a dead boxer, "Kid" McCoy cons his way into the 20th Century and enjoys an uneven, but consistently eventful life as a jewel thief, champion boxer, and unstoppable ladies' man. Strauss wrote last year's equally odd tale, Chang and Eng, an account of Siamese twins. PB

Powell's, 3723 SE Hawthorne, 7:30 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, june 19

WORLD'S BEST BREASTS--Who's got 'em? Find out at Union Jack's stripper contest, subtly entitled "The World's Best." Over the next four days, competitions will be held for Best Breasts (tonight), Best Pole Worker, Best Booty and Best Exotic Dancer. And if I have to refinance my house to be named "Best Tipper," then goddammit... sign me up! WSH

Union Jack's, 938 E Burnside, 236-1125, 9 pm, $3

GUITAR GEEKS UNITE--Okay, Mary Timony is basically one of the most creative, unique guitarists alive, matching Baroque-like arpeggios with prog-hot noodling. Best of all, by using these tactics, the woman can write a catchy pop hook bigger than a Saxon kingdom. Geek out on her form! JS

w/The Standard, The Intima; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $8