THE NUGE--Ted "Cat Scratch Fever" Nugent has little patience for the soft-palmed urban dwellers that shop at New Season's. Seemingly ironic in P.C. Portland, he reads from his new book, Kill It & Grill It, which offers charming hunting anecdotes, detailed directions on carcass gutting, and tasty recipes. And if, after all that, you're still craving another taste of the Nuge, see his stage assault later tonight. PB

Border's Books, 708 SW 3rd, 220-5911, 4 pm, free; Roseland, 8 NW 6 th, 224-TIXX, 8 pm, $31.50

BIKES--Bring a bike and prize-worthy clown outfit to the "Sizzling Cycle Circus Spectacular." Glean the rave-ish, secret location of the bike-in film from clue-dropping freaks, and witness the technological coup of pedal-powered movie shorts about--get this--bikes, clowns and "dancing wizardry." MS

Meet at Alberta Cooperative Grocery parking lot, 1500 NE Alberta, 8 pm, free

PRESIDENTIAL PROTEST--Evil comes in so many forms: There's John Ashcroft, who's hell-bent on destroying personal liberties; there's Dick Cheney, who lurks, consuming all things ethical; and then there's the head honcho, George "the Darklord" Bush, who is playing cowboys and Indians with the U.S. military and unleashing an unholy fury of Christianity on the secular world. Stop the madness before he destroys our fair nation. PB

Downtown Hilton, 921 SW 6th, call 972-6070 for time


MUSIC--Dälek has a dark rapping style, exploring afro-centric social issues spoken in forceful poetry, but don't worry, they're not one bit cheesy. They create music with a sound similar to the infamous Tricky, the lyrics backed up by beat-oriented electronics, samples, and found noise that might even get you dancing. KS

w/Heavy Johnson Trio, Bad Wizard, Bast; Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $7

NEW BAD THINGS--New to Portland? Tired of music you find boring or inaccessible? Like to rock? See Portland legends The New Bad Things. Their style is jokey, charming, skilled, and a little punk. If we're lucky, they'll perform their most famous and endearing number, "I Suck," which chronicles a list of things that completely suck... something most of us can relate to... and if you can't, you suck, so don't go. KS

w/Buttery Lords, Guitar Face, Gravitron; Jasmine Tree, 401 SW Harrison, 223-7956, 9 pm, $5


MOZZER--I am newly in love with Morrissey after reading in Spin that his primary fanbase consists of East L.A. Mexicans in their early 20s. Other than that, it's just Mozzer: he's a limey, he's pretentious, and he wrote his best music a decade ago--but at least he's not fat like Robert Smith. JS

Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 224-TIXX, 8 pm, $29.50

RAD DANCE-PUNK--The reason SF's foremost arty dancepunkers, Erase Errata, cause a frigging frenzy wherever they go is this: THEY KICK MAJOR ASS, with spazzy guitar, dance beats, impassioned vocal warbles, and a live show that is exciting to the point of subversion. And you really should attend. JS

w/ Chromatics, Old Time Relijun, Point Line Plane
; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $8


AFRICAN ARTS FEST--Though it may sound as gay as it gets, the Homowo Festival (hosted by percussionist Obo Addy) actually celebrates the African arts... though I'm sure the gays are welcome. Traditional music, dance, drumming, crafts and food from Ghana gives the average Jane and Joe a sneaky peek at a culture that's far removed from the honky-town we live in. Plus, these guys know how to party! WSH

South Park Blocks between SW Harrison and SW College, 288-3025, 1 to 6 pm, $5 or $3 with two cans of food


MOVIE--We've all been waiting for cult god Crispin Glover to star in another film... and here it is. In Bartleby, a futuristic Office Space, Glover is considered a complacent worker until he says no to an order from the boss. This sends the workplace into a tailspin, with management and employees questioning their power, or complete lack of it. KS

Clinton Street, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 & 9, $6


OZZFEST--Bow down, bitch. Ozzy might be a doddering relic held upright only by the sheer force of chemicals still running their course, but Black Sabbath RULES. Heavy metal RULES. Biting heads off little animals only RULES when he does it. And he'll die soon, so say goodbye. MS

w/System Of A Down, Rob Zombie, P.O.D., Drowning Pool (R.I.P. lead singer), Adema, Black Label Society & more; Gorge Amphitheater, 754 Silica Rd NW, George, WA, 9:30 am, $61.75


MUSIC--I won't hold it against the Twinemen that their publicist introduces the Boston trio's music as "a warm sense of familiarity" and as "organic soul chemistry." Cozy, heavy bass-drum beats; sauntering saxophone riffs; Laurie Sargent's molasses-thick and rich voice pouring over this reincarnation of Morphine. Great stuff. But, c'mon: "organic soul chemistry?" PB

Aladdin, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 234-9694, 8 pm, $12