RHYMESAYERS--I know that like every touring DJ in the world holds a frigging DMC title, but DJ Abilities is the first champion I've seen that left me slack-jawed for so long, a big string of drool hit the floor before it was over. His maxi-rhythmic scratching skills magically stay within the most perfect timings, and well... MC Eyedea is no slouch, either. JS

w/a billion rad people from Oldominion; Roseland, NW 6th & Burnside, 224-TIXX, 8 pm

TALK BACK--Now that they have given us an eyeful of pepper spray, it's time to give back an ear full of complaints! The Independent Police Review Division has scheduled two public forums to hear about police misconduct at the Bush demonstration and the recent Critical Mass. PB

Kaiser Permanente Town Hall Conference Center, 3704 N Interstate Ave, 6-9 pm, free


CRUE--While Motley Crüe is certainly good enough to be covered, they are nowhere near good enough to keep on playing. Vince Neil is fat, their stage show is ridiculous, Tommy Lee should shoot himself, and who gives a crap about those other guys. Anyhow, if you'd like to relive the glory days, when "Kick Start My Heart" got your adrenaline pumping for a vigorous dance session in the basement or "Home Sweet Home" made you dream of frenching Mike Simmons under the bleachers... it's time to go back. KS

w/Powerslave (Iron Maiden tribute band); Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne, 234-7474, 9 pm

FXFO--Hey, you: it's time again for that yearly Barfly festival, "Fuck By Fuck Off!" Help Jen Lane bastardize another TV show tonight, this one called "Mating Shame." Tomorrow, bust a stomach staple at the White Castle burger-eating contest, then flaunt those love handles at Sunday's "Bag Night," to which you must wear plastic bags. MS

Matador, 1967 W Burnside, 222-5822, Fri 8 pm, Sat 6 pm ($5 to enter contest), Sun 10 pm, free


ALBERTA STREET FAIR--Once again, the city's most eclectic neighborhood throws open the doors to its galleries, boutiques, and Mexican restaurants. And this year, they've made something good even better: They've added a parade! Oh, don't even try to pretend like you're too cool for a parade! PB

Alberta Street, 7th-31st Ave, 972-2206 for more info, 11 am-evening, free

GIRLS VS. BOYS--Girls Against Boys have finally released a new album, You Can't Fight What You Can't See, and it's a damn good one. But knowing these guys are always committed to keeping the music fresh, this album's cheery, postpunk insanity will most definitely make this tour one of a kind. And you know how you love one of a kinds. KD

w/Radio 4, No. 2
; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $9


BRITISH GAYS--Sure, you know what it's like to be a gay American, but do you know what it's like to be gay in London? It's totally different, trust me, or hear about it from Alan Cumming, whose book, Tommy's Tale, is all about having sex, being gay, and fearing commitment in England. KD

Powell's City of Books, 228-4651, 1005 W Burnside, 5 pm, free

MUSIC--There is a song on Interpol's brilliant debut album, Turn on the Bright Lights, called "NYC" that makes my life screech to a sudden halt. Every time that song rolls around my brain locks up, my heart comes to a stop, and I can't do a goddamn thing until four minutes and nineteen seconds later when the song ends and my life resumes. It's like the soundtrack to achieving complete and total emotional paralysis--plus, if that's not enough--the guys in this band are sexy as hell. CM

w/Jim Yoshii Pileup; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $7


GUSGUS--Wacky Icelandic quartet/sometime art collective gusgus gets newly humpy on the electro/low-maintenance disco train, plus they picked up a new diva along the way by the name of DJ Earth. If you like the minimal dance tech that's more house than fashion, dial this shit up. JS

w/Balligomingo; Music Millennium NW, 801 NW 23rd, 248-0163, 6 pm, free; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, 9 pm, $10


ROCK--Is it to soon to call that which smacks of '90s retro? I guess we'll see. The Beatings hail from Boston, and their mix of bounce, distortion, crisp rhythms, and hoarse vocals are like finding a favorite old mix tape. MS

Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 239-5154, 9 pm, free


PHOTOS--Lady Ms. Shayla Hason does these cool modern photo zines of friends and people on the street. She shoots with a very inquisitive eye and, more importantly, with a warm sense of what's human about her subjects. Check out Exhibit A, up at Seaplane all month long. JS

Seaplane, 3352 SE Belmont, 234-2409, through Oct 7, free