THURSDAY, November 14

MUSIC--You might think Andrew W.K. is a chump, and you might think Coors is a shitty Republican beer and that Andrew is just riding the gravy train until it runs out of gas. Probably all true, but he's a great dancer, and does a fabulous, energy-filled stage show, not to mention his adrenaline-fueled, extra singing--which are all worth it, if only for the sake of irony. KS w/Most Precious Blood, Suicide Girls
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $15

LET'S FIGHT!--Professional boxing matches are the funnest things since the concept of "funnest" was invented. And tonight at Fight Night at the Rose Garden, you can catch badass matches featuring local brawlers like Joe Gusman (see this week's feature for details), as well as a special drop-in visit from the golden boy himself, Oscar De La Hoya! Put up yer dukes! WSH
Rose Garden, One Center Court, 224-4400, 7 pm, $15, $25, $45, and $75

FRIDAY, November 15

MUSIC--The organ- and guitar-wielding drama queens in Black Heart Procession thought some humid Cuban rhythms might make their coldly depressive, anchored-heart music a little sexier--and they were right. More beautiful, mopey atmosphere? Sure. And a wiggle in the hip? Si, senor! JS Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 233-1994, 9 pm, $10-12, all ages

JEWISH HIPHOP--The list of Jewish rap stars is even shorter than that of Jewish sports heroes. But at top of the roll call is MC Paul Barman who, with Woody Allen self-deprecation has adopted an anti-gangsta attitude. Claiming to be a horrible lover, he rhymes, "I would jizz early for Liz Hurley." Shalom! PB w/Whirlwind Heat, The Agenda, Jackie
Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 8 pm, $10

SATURDAY, November 16

HIPPETYHOP--He may have a silly name, but Del The Funkee Homosapien is one of the most daring MCs around. He is constantly experimenting with interesting musical styles, and has collaborated with everyone from Dinosaur Jr., to Damon Albarn, to Blur. Tonight's event, Cali Comm 2002, will probably feature hiphop in a more traditional vein, but that won't stop Del from getting down, getting funky, and most of all, having fun! JWS w/People Under the Stairs, Motion Man, Kutmasta Kurt, The Life Savers
Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th, 224-TIXX, 10 pm, $17

FILM--What better way to close out the Northwest Film and Video Festival than with a bunch of beer-bellied troglodytes drinking beer 'til they puke? The fest concludes tonight with Outdoorsmen, a documentary about the aforementioned booze swillers' annual campout, at which they compete in a series of inane drinking games. The amount of cheap beer consumed, then horked back up during, is extremely entertaining, as is the film. JWS Guild, SW 9th & Taylor, 221-1156, 9 pm, $6.50

BONFIRE MADIGAN--Taking the hard line with her cello and singing passionately from her gut, Madigan Shive is back with her Bonfire--a burning pyre of contrabass, drums, violin--smoldering with starry-eyed, rhythmic punches, informed by punk and the sweet urgency of a mini-orchestra. JS w/Orange Stick, The Intima; Meow Meow, 520 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $7, all ages

SUNDAY, November 17

FILM--Does this make you squirm? A South Korean fisherman, on the run from the law, tries to kill himself by--hold onto your seats--swallowing fish hooks! Wait, it gets better: In an act of love, a young, depressed woman rapes him to take his mind off the pain. Beautiful and graphic, The Isle has simultaneously grossed-out and enchanted critics and moviegoers. PB Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 & 9 pm, $6

MONDAY, November 18

COCK--Part of 2 Gyrlz Performative Arts' Enteractive Language Festival, "Language of the Cock" features, fittingly, musicians. Brrrooow!! Check out the insane performance art of Cock E.S.P., and the music of Madame Chao, U Can Unlearn Guitar, and Der Yellow Sawns. If you hit on anyone there, please omit the phrase "speaking my language." Thanks. MS PS What?, 1968 SW 5th Ave, 827-3797, 9 pm, $2

MUSIC--Stereo Total (that's total) call for bigass mother-lovin' shades and pretentious, kissy-lip faces. They do a disco-ish, lazy punk rock like it's a careless natural reflex. There is something so endlessly alluring about rock sung in French and German that I'm considering buying a pack of cigarettes and a turtleneck. MS w/The Bangs Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 10 pm, $8

TUESDAY, November 19

I LOVE KELLY--But I hate Justin. And I love Tamyra. But I hate Nikki. See? There's so much emotion tied up in American Idol! Tonight is the perfect opportunity to release all those pent-up feelings at American Idol--Live, where the top ten finishers from this popular talent search will be singing songs from the show, and making your ass cringe in embarrassment/ecstasy! WSH Rose Garden, One Center Court, 224-4400, 7:30, $25, $35, $45

WEDNESDAY, November 20

MUSIC--Even though Doug Martsch comes to Portland every other day, I know that you still love him. I mean how can't you, after years of listening to those Built to Spill tapes until they slur and bleed. His passionate singing is oh-so-passionate, paired with the rare and intense skill of NOT being sappy. And playing solo, there's nothing to distract you from the passion. Time to find a date. KS Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, 8 pm, $12 adv., $14 door