THURSDAY, April 10

MUSIC--French Toast--the sassy new band from James Canty (Nation of Ulysses, the Make-Up, the Pharmacists) and Jerry Busher (All Scars, Fugazi) drops guitars, samplers, drums, and keybs for a rhythmic art-punk meltdown onna Savage Republic tip. Now that's what I call freedom! JS
w/King Cobra, Other Men My Age; Satyricon, 125 NW 6th, 243-2380, 9:30 pm, $8

FRIDAY, April 11

DANCE--Something I've realized recently. An evening is a lot more memorable if you do something worth remembering. Eat a gordita, watch CSI, drink two beers, go to bed: Not memorable. See legendary hiphop choreographer Rennie Harris' dance extravaganza, Facing Mekka: Memorable. Plus, dig up your old college ID and it's only $12. Less than 13 gorditas. KS
PSU's Lincoln Performance Hall, SW Park & Market, 224-TIXX, $12-24

ROCK-IT--San Diego sons Rocket from the Crypt are back again, and I couldn't be happier. Dishing out a sonic campaign of shock and awe, RFTC combines lethal guitar with a shit-hot horn section designed to burn the wax out of your ears. Add punky pals The Spits and The A-Frames to the mix, and you've got an evening of knee-buckling, eardrum-bustin' fun. WSH
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9 pm, $13

SATURDAY, April 12

PETS--Ohmygod, two EXCITING events for the pet lover... in ONE DAY! At Roommate Referral, the Humane Society will be on hand along with a slew of pets needing a home. Try adopting one. Meanwhile, the Pet & Companion Fair will teach you to communicate with your pet via pet-talk expert Faye Pietrokowsky, who will translate for you what your furry or feathery friend is sqwakin' about. JWS
Roommate Referral event at 828 NW 21st, noon-4 pm, 224-4939; Pet & Companion Fair at Portland Expo Center, 9 am-6 pm, for more info

STARGAZING--Tired of staring out the window, down at your plate, at a pile of laundry, at yourself in the mirror? Try staring at something a little more interesting... like Jupiter and Saturn! The Rose City Astronomers and the Vancouver Sidewalk Astronomers are providing telescopes so you and I can check out not only these two majestic planets, but the beehive star cluster, Orion Nebula. It'll be a real star party! KS
OMSI, 1945 SE Water, call 797-4610 for possible weather cancellation, 7:30 pm, free

SUNDAY, April 13

MOVIE--Okay, Captain Milkshake sounds like kind of a dumb name, but it refers to the all-American teenage boys who went from slurping 'em at the soda shop to getting blown to bits in 'Nam within a matter of weeks. Don't miss this rarely seen, original anti-Vietnam movie and a chance to meet its executive producer. MS
The Blue Monk, 3341 SE Belmont, 8:30 pm, free

MUSIC--Like some quirk in your pop? Then get herky-jerky to the heavenly sweet, '60s harmonic action of Aislers Set and the poppy rhythmic (s)punk of The Quails. Oh, and Hella will be there in between, to slay haters with the ole axe-n-grind. JS
Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9:30 pm, $7

MONDAY, April 14

3-D TITANIC--Say what you will about uber-geek/director James Cameron, he loves him some Titanic. That's why he returned to the murky depths to get a close up look at the sunken luxury liner with special 3-D cameras. The result is Ghosts of the Abyss, a three-dimensional scientific geek-out creep-out. (Hopefully they left Celine Dion at home. I'm not saying she's ugly, but horses look at her and ask "Why the long face?"). WSH
Lloyd Cinemas, 1510 NE Multnomah, 225-5555 ex. 4600, see page 47 for showtimes

TUESDAY, April 15

CABARET--Hey, guess what? You're stupid! But you look good. If you can extract yourself from your mountain of fashion mags, check out "Passion for Fashion," a one-woman musical comedy cabaret that mocks all the time and money we throw towards gyms, salons, and clothes. Yeah... but would we really rather be smart and ugly? Thought so. MS
Wilf's, 800 NW 6th, 223-0070, April 15, 22 & 29, 7:30 pm, $10


MUSIC--Supposedly, The Faint recently turned down like a gazillion-billion dollars from the Major Label fat cats. So you can dis their faux-'80s synths all you want, but unlike all those Brooklyn bands that are oh-so-hip these days, The Faint actually have enough gumption and ethics to say "hell no" to an unholy amount of cash and remain true to their art. CM
Crystal, 1332 W Burnside, 225-5555, 9 pm, $14

READING--Part detective, part Indiana Jones, Jeff Owsley is a forensic expert who analyzes lost skeletons. He crawls into crypts, unearths graves and has even sifted through the ashes at Waco and the World Trade Center. Jeff Benedict's No Bone Unturned follows the bone expert on some of his most gruesome adventures. Tonight's event features Benedict, Owsley, and a slideshow. PB
Powell's, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm, free