THURSDAY, May 15

STRIPPAZ--If you ask me, there's one thing Portland can never have enough of--and that, my friends, is hot, oily male strippers. Oh yeah, male strippers with their bulging packages, shaved forearms, and spanking-clean starfish. Darcelle hosts a gaggle of Westcoast Centerfolds strutting their stuff, and the one I've got my eye on is called "Ice." KS
Darcelle XV, 208 NW 3rd, 222-5338, Thurs 10 pm, Fri-Sat midnight, $10 (Come for the 8:30 drag show, stay for the Centerfolds at no extra charge)

BENEFIT--The next time I decide to host a benefit for new dance choreography, I'm going to hire a Mexican Elvis impersonator. It doesn't make sense, but it's a great idea! Don't miss the hugely entertaining El Vez, and the snappy dance troupe BodyVox as they raise money for White Bird's New Works Fund for new choreography! WSH
w/Thomas M. Lauderdale; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 245-1600 ex. 201, 8 pm, $18 advance, $25 day of show

FRIDAY, May 16

MUSIC--Alright, who invited the neck beards? Hailing from the bike punk shangri-la, Gainesville, Florida, Against Me! stomp new life into the tired punk music scene with an assault of acoustic jams and frenzied screams. Few will ever come close to achieving the insane level of passion and interactive madness of the band's live show. CM
w/Fifth Hour Hero, These Arms Are Snakes; Solid State, 624 E Burnside, 8 pm, $7, all ages

DeCOMPOSER--The second installment of music composed and performed for obscure and bizarre film shorts, tonight features the gorgeous found sounds of Daniel Menche, the spooky electro-organ darkness of Hans Grüsel, and local heroes Quasi. Once again temporarily solving the show vs. film, Friday-night debate. MS
Hollywood Theater, 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215, 11 pm, $10

SATURDAY, May 17

PLAY--Who wants to see Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest? No one? So I thought, but what if the cast members of the production memorize their lines in secret, and meet for the first time, onstage, at the play's one-and-only performance in front of a live audience? Now THAT's kind of interesting... JWS
The Electric Company, 2512 SE Gladstone, 306-0870, 8 pm, $15

GLITCHY HIPHOP--Under the name Prefuse 73, Scott Herren makes warm hiphop instrumentals whose cut-up beats oscillate with the grace of undersea anemones. Plus, RJD2's dastardly downtempo. JS
B Complex, 320 SE 2nd, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $12

WOMEN & WHEELS--Last summer's "Women and their Kick Ass Cars: Five Dollar Soapy Hand Job" car wash and show brought out ladies from all over, showing off their rides. Here's an opportunity to drool once again, with a screening of the taped interviews, a slideshow, booze, and DJ D-TAUR. MS
Hollywood Theater, 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215, 7 pm, $8

SUNDAY, May 18

MUSIC--Hippies had Woodstock. Muslims have Mecca. Pug-obsessed owners like myself have The Pug Crawl. While just as fanatical as the Muslims, but far better groomed than the hippies, Pug Owners from all over the Pacific Northwest will trek to the aptly-titled "Rambunctious on Russell" to show off our snorting little curly-tailed beasts. Highlights include a fashion show, kissing booth (okay, even I think that's gross), and costume contest--all of which raise proceeds for the Oregon Humane Society. EAC
Widmer Gasthaus, 955 N. Russell, 329-7269, register at 12:30 pm, $10

MONDAY, May 19

MUSIC--And what's not to love about Daniel Johnston? This cult singer/songwriter has been mesmerizing audiences since the '80s with his innocent, heartrending tales of love and loss. It's like he's inviting you into his private world, and no one else is there--except, of course, a room full of bespectacled fawning indierockers. But at least they know enough to keep their goddamn mouths shut. WSH
w/Panty Lions & Holy Sons; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $12

TUESDAY, May 20

HIPHOP--Bored with hiphop groups who can't reproduce their studio-polished hype with onstage wizardry? The Roots are routinely called the best live hiphop show currently touring, with adventurous grooves and a lot of live rockin' rock. PB
Roseland, 8 NW 6th Ave, 800-325-SEAT,

9 pm, $22

AMERICAN IDOL--All I can say is thank GOD Joshua Gracin got kicked off. They should have sent his ass overseas to fight the Taliban six episodes ago. Anyway, if you love American Idol as much as I, watch the next to last episode at The Ione with Cool Nutz and the fine folks at Jus Family Records! There's gonna be free food, American Idol prizes, and the sweet soul sounds of Ruben Studdard. 205! 205! WSH
The Ione, 1717 SW Park Ave (on PSU campus), show starts at 8 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, May 21

SLAM--Many soulless automatons make fun of slam poetry. They have never heard it done right. The shoot blast out like rhythmic cannon blasts; the slammers contort and twist; sweat flies. It's pretty crazy. Today, some stellar blasters, contorters, and sweaters square off for $1000 in prize money in the middle of downtown P-Town. JWS
South Park Blocks, SW 9th & Montgomery, 725-5666, 2 pm, free

MUSIC--Two drummers, two bass players, two vocalists and maximum friction: Washington D.C.'s Black Eyes make smart, dub-inflected punk music for the discerning fan. JS
Red & Black Café, 2138 SE Division, 231-3899, 9 pm