THURSDAY, June 19

BRITPOP--Even if they sucked now, you know you'd go; they're mother-freakin' Blur for crying out loud! And the thing is, they don't suck. They're way too clever to ever suck, or anything close. Their new album, Think Tank, is contemplative, yet poppy; elegant, yet funky. In other words, it's the kind of indescribable masterpiece we've come to expect from this band of true artists. Cheery-o! JWS
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 224-8499, 8 pm, $25

MMM MMM GOOD--What's the only thing better than a musical about cannibalism? That's right: a musical about Mormons and cannibalism! And what's even better than that? It's written by everyone's favorite hilarious sicko, Trey Parker! Tonight, the stage adaptation of Parker's seminal film gets its Portland debut. JWS
PSU's Lincoln Hall, 1620 SW Park, 725-4622, Thurs-Sun 8 pm, $12

FRIDAY, June 20

SILLY--Lighten up a bit and check out this triple whammy of goofballs. Pleaseeasaur's sad songs about beef are well complimented by hot dog dude Frank Furter's blues. Larry Yes is making fun, too, through a country twang and plucky, pretty ditties. MS
Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 10 pm, $6

HIPHOP--Abstract Rude and Tribe Unique remain one of the most compelling hiphop shows I've ever seen, combining AbRude's hypnotic, melodic rhyming style with elaborate dance routines to dubby or jazzy beats. It's like church for heads--spiritual, deep, transformative. JS
w/CVE, Hip Hop Kclan, Cypher 7, Onry Ozzborn, Sleep, Rumble Pack; Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9 pm, $10

SATURDAY, June 21

MUSIC--The Pattern combine a dirty garage sound, with fancy disaffected vocals, coming up with something that sounds a bit like the (dare I say their name) White Stripes. The Pattern isn't inventing anything new, but who doesn't love a little attitude rock. KS
w/Exploding Hearts, Life in Braille; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $6

DOG PAGEANT--There's nothing funnier than dogs wearing clothes. Therefore there will be nothing funnier than the "Ugly But Cute Dog Beauty Pageant. " Bring Rover over to the new Pizza Schmizza on Hawthorne, prance that pooch by the judges starting at 11 AM, and hopefully take home a doghouse full of prizes. It's about time that mangy cur started paying her way! WSH
Pizza Schmizza, 3433 SE Hawthorne, 640-2328, 11 am-5 pm, free

SUNDAY, June 22

MUSIC--You have to admire a man who opens an album with an "F-You" track to the music industry. That's funny rapper Murs' style; dude worships nothing, and we're the better for it. Don't miss Brother Ali, the albino Muslim Rhymesayer who drops knowledge over Ant's cut beats, on some '70s soul. JS
Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $10, all ages

RADICAL RUMMAGE SALE--You know what you need? I mean besides self-esteem and a more positive mind space... Some new duds. C'mon, it's summer, and you need to start showing some skin if you're plan on getting any. So check out the Radical Women's Rummage Sale, featuring books, small appliances, furniture, coffee, baked goods, and yes, cool clothes. Benefits the Freedom Socialist newspaper. KS
Bread and Roses Center, 819 N Killingsworth, Sat 9 am-5 pm, Sun 10 am-4 pm

MONDAY, June 23

TOGA! TOGA!--Oh, the sublime joy of horny drunk people running around in bedsheets. Relive this ancient pleasure at the Solstice Toga Extravaganza; featuring karaoke with KJ Rocky Rhodes, dancing, raffles, and a toga contest. Plus it's a benefit for Esther's Pantry, who provides chow for AIDS patients, so you can feel good about getting your Greek on! WSH
Silverado, 1217 SW Stark, 224-4493, 8 pm, $10 suggested donation (same deal Sunday evening at Embers)

MUSIC--Like a lumbering, amelodic juggernaut, the Fall just keeps on goin'. Since their beginnings in 1977 Manchester, the unique adventurous musical moods of poet/lyricist Mark E. Smith have led the Fall through a myriad of styles--only a few of which are commercially viable. Give it up for the group who never gives it up easily. WSH
w/Green Circles; Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9 pm, $15

TUESDAY, June 24

MUSIC--And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead's daunting guitars, passionate rock crescendos, and screamo singing make for a super great band. Add on their amazing live shows and suddenly, you've got a totally awesome extravaganza. Well that sounds alright. KS
w/Kinski, Nice Nice; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 1-800-325-SEAT, 9:30 pm, $13.50

WEDNESDAY, June 25

MUSIC--The Crystal needs to build a fireman's pole so I can slide between tonight's two incredible shows. Upstairs in the ballroom, you have the smoothed-out tip of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and directly below in Lola's Room is 1994's hunkiest alterna-dreamboat, Evan Dando. Word on the street is that both bands are meeting downstairs at Ringler's for some Mozzarella Sticks and an all-star rendition of Bone's 1994 hit "Thuggish Ruggish Bone." CM
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W. Burnside, 225-5555 ext. 8811, $15 for Lola's, 9 pm, $20 for Crystal, 7 pm