THURSDAY, august 7

BOATS/ART--Are you incapable of travel to North Portland via traditional means? Whatevs--the Modern Zoo is offering jet boat rides from SW to NoPo for their First Thursday, warehoused artxtravaganza, which means you're unhindered by the transportation idiom. JS

Riverplace Marina, 1750 SW Harbor Way, every 45 minutes from 6-9 pm; Modern Zoo, 6635 N Baltimore, $2-10 donation

FRIDAY, august 8

GREMLINS!--The Mercury Summer Movie Megathon (where you drink beer and yell at the screen) continues with the 1984 classic, Gremlins! When Billy receives an adorable fuzzy "mogwai," the directions are extremely clear: "Don't expose him to bright light, don't ever get him wet, and don't ever, ever feed him after midnight." Unfortunately for everyone, Billy is a big fuck-up. WSH

Guild Theatre, 829 SW Ninth, 221-1156, 10 pm, $2 PBR, $6 admission

MUSIC--Paradise Island, the solo project of Erase Errata singer Jenny Hoyston, pairs shards of electronic punk with the inevitable riveting yawl of her voice. Also, there are apparently puppets involved. JS

w/The Gossip, Sleetmute Nightmute; Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, 239-5900, 8 pm, $8

THEATER... SORT OF--With bizarre, sometimes agonizingly drawn-out theatrical experiments, playwright/director Richard Foreman is one of those artists you either love or hate. Performance Works' tribute is thus fitting: radical Portland staples like defunkt, Liminal, and Lightbox will each take the same piece of Foreman text, and twist it however they see fit. Definitely not for everyone, but certainly for someone. JWS

Performance Works NorthWest, 4625 SE 67th, 777-1907, Fri-Sat 8:30 pm (different performers each night; call for details!), $15-$25

SATURDAY, august 9

LEATHER--Celebrate Leather Pride Week 2003 with a bondage binge. See this year's Mr. and Ms. Oregon State Leather competition, then the "Chaps and Whips Plus Chips and Dips" pride party, then enter the dungeon for "mixed" play... MS

Contest: Embers, 110 NW Broadway, 7 pm, $10; Pride Bash: Eagle PDX, 1300 W Burnside, 10 pm, $4; Play Party: Ascension Dungeon, 5224 SE Foster, 9 pm, $5-$15

ART--Do you spend your breakfasts reading cereal boxes and memorizing tongue-twisting words like tocopherols and glycerin? How about kick-starting your day with taut prose and quippy poetry? La Palabra Café revives their popular Cereal Box Review today, with readings from tons of local authors of poems, ruminations, and mini-literature plastered on pages that look just like your Wheaties box! PB

La Palabra Café-Press, 4810 NE Garfield, 493-0333, 10 am - 2 pm, $8 per issue

SUNDAY, august 10

LATINO-STYLE--Hey Mamacita! Yeah, you know you like to shake it. And if you like your shaking muy caliente, then St. Johns is once again the place to be. Get ready to sweat that backside off at Shake it Latino-style with DJ Armondo on Sunday at Club Rock. It's hot, it's live, and with a DJ named Armondo, you can't go wrong. Say it with me... "Arrrrrrmondo." WSH

Club Rock, 8727 N. Lombard, 286-9665, 8 pm, FREE

FERRETS--Could ferrets be an ironic pet, or are they just plain disgusting? Either way, seeing a million of them squirm all over each other and play ferret games to the spins of a DJ is entertaining any way you slice it. Attend this year's ferret frolic, and bring your skateboard because Clackamette Park offers a dope skate/bike park. KS

Clackamette Park, off I-205 and Mcloughlin Rd, at the Oregon City/Gladstone Bridge, 10 am-4 pm, FREE

MONDAY, august 11

FILM--If you don't want your kids driving like shit, try showing them the mutilated corpses of car crash victims. This was the mentality in the 1960s and '70s when driver's ed classes showed gruesome crash footage to discourage irresponsible driving. See a collection of the gore tonight. And drive home safe! KS

Hell's Highway, Clinton St. Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 & 9 pm, $6

TUESDAY, august 12

ART--Some creative punk kids burrowed into the old Jeans Dean store and transformed it into a cozy, handmade space for the arts. This month's poster exhibit, by Jason Wynkoop, pairs '40s-era poster styles with the fanciful and political. MS

Gallery 1914, 1914 E Burnside, 577-6703, call for hours, FREE

WEDNESDAY, august 13

SPACE TRAVEL--Still trying to decide where to take your summer vacation? The coast? Black Butte? How about... Mars!? Tonight, William Hartmann provides a colorful tour of expansive lava beds and truly great canyons from his book, A Traveler's Guide To Mars. Complete with slides! No, it's not Uranus, but it's still a remarkable place to visit! PB

Powell's, 1005 W. Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm, free

DOLPHINFEST--If you've been bummed out on all the negativity that is so prevalent among today's youth, don't sweat it for a second: it's the year of the dolphin, dude. Bliss out to the ambient posi vibe of Yume Bitsu and be healed by the pulsing soul of the sea's most emotionally cogent mammals. JS

w/[[[VRRSSNN]]], Cherry Blossoms, Y.A.C.h.T., Bobby Birdman, Rob Walmart, Selector Dub Narcotic, Hot Air Balloon; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 239-7639, 9 pm, $5