THURSDAY, December 25

BURTON--All you want for Christmas is to contemplate the filmography of Tim Burton? Merry X-Mas, nerdo, cuz now you can peep the holiday freak classic Edward Scissorhands on the big screen, and check out the latest Burton excursion, Big Fish, on the same day, that of Christ's birth. MS
Edward Scissorhands, Clinton St Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30 pm, $6; Big Fish, see film times page 37

FRIDAY, December 26

HIPHOP XMAS--Time to shake the giblets off those Christmas blues with the dress-up holiday hiphop dance party known as Ghetto Blaster Christmas. Pumping the old school jimmy-jams, Ghetto Blaster regulars DJs Wicked and Evil One will be joined by Seattle's finest DJs, Scene and B Mello, to provide TWO rooms of dancing fun. Make that booty holla! WSH
Club Icon, 125 NW 6th Ave, 9 pm, $5 if dressed in semi-formal attire, $15 without

FUNNINESS--Christmas is over, but that doesn't mean there aren't holiday packages still waiting to be opened. This is your last weekend to see the 3rd Floor's newest bundle of sketch comedy delights, The 3rd Floor Takes a Holiday, in which they'll spear Thanksgiving, Father's Day, Jesus' Birthday, and the ever-popular Armistice Day! JWS
The Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark, 258-1681, 8 pm, $10

MOCKERY--How long after your first romance did it take for you to realize that white doves and skipping into the sunset "happily ever after" endings were a bunch of hooey? With a cynical dose of reality and humor, tonight The Screaming Mee Mee's, a musical improv troupe, act out epilogues to real-life marriages. Audience members are encouraged to bring their own wedding announcements. PB
ComedySportz Arena, 1963 NW Kearney, 9 pm, $5

SATURDAY, December 27

GRUB 'N' DUB--Have you ever been eating a burrito and stopped to wonder, "Gosh, why aren't I listening to some dub music right now?" Me, too, my friendÉ Me, too. Our prayers are answered tonight, when Magnum P.A. brings the live-and-laptop-free dub and downtempo, as you bite into some sort of fancy Caribbean wrap. Later, Anden spins a spicy ethno-chill out. JS
Laughing Planet Café, 3320 SE Belmont, 9 pm, free

DJ--Maybe you haven't been to Saucebox for a while. I know I haven't been there since some asshole took me there for drinks in 1999, but anyway, it's time to go back. Banging San Fran DJ J Boogie spins music for the soul with house grooves, dubs, and sweet beats. It's like Christmas never happened. KS
Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway, 241-3393, 10 pm, free

SUNDAY, December 28

STAHLWERK--It's the Russian goth club I.C. Mummy's free monthly dance party, with DJs Carrion, Zufall, and Lovemurder pumping electronic body music and synthpop, because if you hear another jingle bell or noisemaker, heads are gonna roll. MS
I.C. Mummy, 332 NE San Rafael, 9 pm, free

DJS--Looking for a little reprieve from holiday season lethargy, or pre-New Year's anxiety? Wrap your head around some riddims, as Selectahs Cansaman and YT of Trinity Sounds spin the best in dub, roots, and dancehall reggae. JS
Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne, 234-7474, 9 pm, free

MONDAY, December 29

FLICK--Thank God for the French, who continue their reign of provocative, visually stunning cinema with Sylvain Chomet's new GORGEOUS animated feature, Les Triplettes de Belleville, about a kidnapped professional cyclist and his amazing mom, who will stop at nothing to bring him home. JWS
Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, 223-4515, playing at 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 pm, $6-7

TUESDAY, December 30

TOAD FILM--Cold-blooded toads don't fare so well in harsh Midwest winters, often turning into popsicles. But that doesn't mean their lives are finished. Two decades ago, local musician Gregg Gallant's Minnesota grandparents gathered up a few frozen toads to star in a wild road trip film. Watch as Father Toad hops from one adventure to the next en route to a wild night in Vegas in this, a "real cryogenic puppet show." PB
Voodoo Doughnut, 22 SW 3rd, 241-4704, 10 pm, $1

HIPHOP GONG SHOW--You've got the skillz, but you're tired of the battle-rap negativity, right? Then spit those rhymes in a whole new format with The Ramsey Brothers presents: The Hiphop Gong Show! Each competitor brings two rap numbers to the stage, with the intent of avoiding the career-ending gong. With a freestyling final round, this is good-natured competition for all local hiphop heavyweights. WSH
Mt. Tabor Theatre, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 238-1646, 9:30 pm, $5 covers admittance and entry fee

WEDNESDAY, December 31

DJ MADNESS--What better way to ring in the New Year than with a room full of hotties doing the booty shake. DJ Wicked and Gregarious supply cuts of the '80s, hiphop, new wave, electro, and funk varieties, your wallet supplies the endless rounds of drinks, and hopefully your lips supply the passionate midnight kisses. And for even more opportunities for passionate midnight kissin', turn to page 11, for the Mercury's roundup of New Year's Eve "action"! KS
Level, 13 NW 6th, 228-8888, 9 pm, $8