GEEKS UNITE--Today features geeks spazzing all over themselves. The four-day Science & Engineer Fair has 1200 teenage brainiacs from 40 nations showing off their discoveries and experiments. It is pretty amazing stuff. After that, a Laptop Rematch. Eight Seattle laptop music maestros square off against eight homegrown laptop performers for title of the Northwest's Laptop Battle Pimp. PB
Science Fair: Convention Center, 777 NE MLK Blvd, 2:30-9 pm; Laptop battle: Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8 pm, $7

KATIE'S HAPPY HOUR--Drunks the world over have thrilled to the alcoholic exploits of Mercury writer Katie Shimer. Now you can get tipsy with the gal herself at Pleasant Moments, a happy hour filled with free food, free fun, free prizes, and not-so-costly booze. Katie will lead the bar in a dirty joke contest, as well as a rousing game of "burst the dirty piñata." (Trust me--don't stand underneath it.) WSH
Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive, 2216 NE MLK, 6-8 pm, free

FRIDAY, May 14

MUSIC--If you think math rock is still relevant, then Don Caballero is one of the most relevant bands around. With insane drumming, instrumental tightness that'll give you whiplash, and pleasant vocal restraint, Don Cab's live show will knock you on your ass. KS
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, 9 pm

EXPERIMENTS IN EVIL--Portland fixtures Pete and Gabe, aka ubiquitous/accomplished experimentalists Yellow Swans, are moving to San Francisco and not looking back. For their going away party, they'll wield a seven-inch--a textured cauldron of evil and proximity, pulse and curiosity, deconstructed. Au revoir, young adventurous fellows! JS See MUSIC PG 17;
Nocturnal, 1800 E. Burnside, 8 pm, $5, all ages


ONE-MINUTE FILM FEST--Tired of long-winded film festivals? Check out the One-Minute Film Fest. Titles include classics like Ethan Rose's Sandpiper, Kari Merkl's Walker and an archived German silent anti-propaganda film entitled The Day Schindler Pissed in Hitler's Eyes. (Plus there's going to be an art show featuring winged ponies!) WSH
Pacific Switchboard, 4637 N Albina, art show at 7 pm, film fest begins at dark

PARANORMAL PICNIC--More than 50 years ago, Martians visited nearby McMinnville, and now, the town celebrates that fateful extraterrestrial visit every Spring. This is the second largest UFO festival in the country, with cool stuff like Founder of Intruders Foundation Budd Hopkins' alien abduction workshop, and a late-night costume ball! Don't believe in our alien friends? Then come on Thursday to hear a FREE lecture from notable UFO skeptic Robert Sheaffer. PB
Lecture: McMinnville Library, 255 NW Adams, 7 pm; Festival: McMenamins Hotel, 310 NE Evans, McMinnville, 10 am-midnight

MUSIC--Tonight, learn power of a different sort: the quiet kind, in slow builds, with local instrumental tour de force Grails, Viking-voiced Steve Von Till, and the ever-evolving avant-orchestral Tarentel. Very deep and dark in all the right places. JS
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm, $7

SUNDAY, May 16

CLASSIC--Orange Goblin's brand of Brit-metal is classic; alternately psychedelic, punky, or biker-y. Plus their shows are notoriously wild--so make sure you wear your boots to the club. And definitely don't miss them tonight, because they are from far away and can't come over all the time. MS
w/Lamont, Wadsworth; Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm, $10-12

MONDAY, May 17

MUSIC--It's the triumphant return of Portland's most lovable band, The Joggers. I've seen these guys live at least 12 times, and every time I've had a blast. Of course it's the catchy melodies, vocal harmonizing, and downright awesome music that make their shows so addictive, but the smiles on their faces sure don't hurt. Thank god they're back. KS
w/French Kicks, On the Speakers; Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm, $8


CELEBRATION--Whether Mr. Phil Busse wins this whole Mayoral race thing or not, nobody can deny he's had more fun than any other candidate. Join Phil and Co. tonight to watch the race draw to its exciting finish, and to celebrate one hell of a run with music, drinks, and general cavorting. And you know, the dude might even win to boot. JWS
Gotham Building Coffee Shop, N. Interstate & Albina,, 6 pm, free

MC5--In another example of crap-o-la, the documentary MC5--A True Testimonial is about to be banned!! So go see it while you still have the opportunity, and bask in all of its archival rarities and chaos. Plus, being banned is so totally rock n' roll. PLUS, see it today for a discounted price! MS
Clinton St. Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 7 & 9:30 pm, plays May 17-20 ONLY, $4 ($6 normally)


SWEET--Hyper-literary pop writer Steve Almond is also a rampant sugar addict. He's indulged both talents by writing a funny, insightful book on the inner workings of America's candy industry. To research Candyfreak, Almond toured independent candy factories--precious last bastions of sugary tradition locked in a struggle for survival 'neath the looming shadow of the three heavyweights: Nestle, Mars, and Hershey's. JWS
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm