THURSDAY, august 12

CHEAP MUSIC--According to their website, Crosstide has some 37 songs in consideration for their forthcoming album. What's with these guys? Amazingly catchy melodies and clever lyrics seem to pour out of them like snot out of a sinus infection. Catch them tonight and save some cash, 'cuz this shiznit is a Mercury-approved "Low Dough Show," yo! JWS
w/The Kingdom, Blitzen Trapper; Ash St. Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 8:30 pm, $5!

QUEERS--It's already one of our fave queer dance parties, but the Booty creators are turning it up even further! Ahoy, guest DJs, costumes, and performers! Tonight, check the Übergay Cabaret, whose mini-performances will entertain and give you a chance to dab the sweat off your booty. MS
W/DJ Matthew Mercury; Porky's, 835 N Lombard, 9 pm, $5, $3 after 10 pm

FRIDAY, august 13

FILM TALK--Like movies? Like discussing movies? Tonight the dope new documentary Hijacking Catastrophe: 9/11, Fear & the Selling of American Empire comes replete with an audience talk-back session. OR catch Philip Baker Hall's latest, A House on a Hill, which will be introduced tonight by the film's director, Oscar-winner Chuck Workman. EH
Hijacking at the Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 8 pm, $6; A House at the Hollywood Theater, 4122 NE Sandy, 7 & 9:10 pm, $6

FESTIVAL--Though I'm not much one for the family friendly gluttony that its premise implies, the inaugural Bite of Oregon has done a surprisingly good job booking a handful of bands that aren't entirely irrelevant--with today's line-up featuring They Might Be Giants, Death Cab For Cutie, and Pedro the Lion. And at only $5 a head, you really have very little excuse not to eat your face off. ZP
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, bands 6:30 to 11 pm, Through Sunday, $5

SATURDAY, august 14

MUSIC--Ever stare blankly at the Meow Meow's concert listings, mouth-gaping, faced with the sheer volume of pretentious hardcore band names you've never even heard of? Me, too! And I get paid to know about this stuff! HA! Well, why don't you and I make our way down to Awesome Fest 2004, in which nearly 30 such bands (like Acceptance, Emery, and Akimbo) battle to burst your eardrums. ZP
Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, noon to night, $8

IMPROV--Ditch the muggy August heat and head for the cool basement of the Brody Theater, where the best improvisers in the city will tickle your funny bone in Summer in Brodavia, a hilarious blend of long and short skits. As always, it's all made up on the spot, and as always, beer and wine are on the premises. JWS
Brody Theater, 1904 NW 27th, 224-0688, 9 pm, $10

SUNDAY, august 15

FOX? BOO! HISS!--Love Bill O'Reilly? Then make sure not to see to this screening of the underground documentary Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism. Using internal memos and interviews with ex-employees, Outfoxed tears the supposedly "fair and balanced" channel a couple of new "fair and balanced" holes. Director Robert Greenwald will answer questions afterward. EH
The Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton Street, 238-8899, Sun 7 pm, $6

AIRSHOW--Yeah, war is kind of shitty and we really shouldn't celebrate it. But c'mon: When the Blue Angels tumble and corkscrew through the Oregon skies in their F-16s with the grace of an Olympic gymnast and dozens of Green Berets parachute out of the skyÉ ? That's just Top Gun cool! PB
Hillsboro Air Show, Hillsboro Airport, 3355 NE Cornell Rd, Sat-Sun, 11 am - 5 pm, $5

MONDAY, august 16

AUTHOR--National Book Critics Circle Award winner Bharati Mukherjee has written seven stunning novels about the psychological troubles of Indian immigrants living in America. Her latest, The Tree Bride, is the story of a Calcutta-born pregnant woman in San Francisco who begins a startling and frequently hilarious investigation of her warped colonial ancestry. JWS
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W. Burnside, 7:30 pm

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?--Bizarro's PolitiComedy-A-Go-Go, that's what. The event features cutthroat liberal jokers Jeff Kreisler, Brian Malow, and Michael Capozzola reaching out to voters about drug laws, global warming, Philip Morris, and the erosion of democracy--only this time, it's okay to laugh. EJ
Harvey's, 436 NW 6th Ave 241-0338, $10

TUESDAY, august 17

NO NO NO DISCO--When DJ Nightschool gets people dancing, he keeps them chained to the floor. When he wants people to relax and slurp some of Tube's patented "PBRtinis," he makes things mellow. Expect everything from soul to punk to Nico tonight, and expect it to be what you want, when you want it. MS
Tube, 18 NW 3rd, 10 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, august 18

MUSIC--Though the urban hobo look isn't quite as becoming on a woman pushing 60, emaciated bag lady Patti Smith is arguably the least embarrassing dinosaur still rockin' after all these years--and though the last performance I saw of hers was marred by the stray ponytail of an obese 50-something hippie next to me, Patti's performance remained riveting enough to quell my cynicism. ZP
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 224-4400, 9 pm, $22