THURSDAY, JANUARY 6

WIDE WORLD OF STRIPPING--Strip nights for everyone: Traditionalists who like to judge ass and titties like the hooves and teeth of a thoroughbred can check the final round of Uncovered Magazine's Covergirl Contest. Or, if queer, exhibitionist wackos are your thing, hit amateur strip night tonight at Booty! MS
Covergirl Contest: DV8, 5021 SE Powell, 10:30 pm, free; Booty Amateur Night: Porky's, 835 N Lombard, 9 pm, $3 after 10 pm

MUSIC--The Mercury/Thrasher Low Dough steamroller keeps on crushing the Thursday night competition with another stunning showcase of local talent--a triple shot of psyche-pop brought to you by the long-missed Rick Bain, The Out Crowd, and the Upsidedown. And at exactly $1.67 per band… Can that be right? ZP
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $5

FRIDAY, JANUARY 7

THEATER/FILM--Years ago, Theatre Vertigo's comedy Poona the Fuckdog hit the underground stage, and people are still talking about it. To bring this hilarious, filthy-dirty "collection of bedtime stories for adults" to a wider audience, the company StageDirect has made a high-quality movie of the production, with late-night showings this weekend, and this weekend only. JWS
Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, Fri-Sat 11:30 pm, $5

GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION--Scream Club (the world's greatest lesbian hiphop duo who are also a couple--excluding Kid 'N Play, of course) return once again for an explosive evening of lo-fi hiphop hedonism. And rest assured, gentlemen: the girls want to be with the girls. ZP
Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, 8 pm, $5, all ages

SATURDAY, JANUARY 8

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!--There ain't nothin' cooler than two grown men beatin' the ever-lovin' shit out of each other, and that's just what you'll get at Sportfight: Justice. The "ultimate evolution of one-on-one combat," Sportfight is a no-holds-barred barrage of ass-whompin' from the likes of Matt "The Law" Lindland, Jeff "The Snowman" Monson, and Brazillian Jui Jitsu expert "The Outlaw" JT Taylor! EH
Mt. Hood Community College, 26000 SE Stark in Gresham, 8 pm, $26-100, 1-800-992-8499

MUSIC--The stupid holidays are over and it's time to blow of some steam. Here's a recipe for beautiful disaster--an evening with Monkey Trick, Portland's most infamous Jesus Lizard cover band. This night promises much whiskey drinking, plenty of yelling, a good deal of stumbling, and if we're lucky, David Yow impersonator Trevor Solomon will be getting naked. "Yow" is right! KS
w/The Punk Group, Heartless, Slowhawks; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, 10 pm, $5

SUNDAY, JANUARY 9

BLUEGRASS--Fans of pickin' and grinnin' will flock to this one: the River City Bluegrass Festival, where tons of nationally recognized bluegrass maestros will be on hand to entertain and lead workshops. Joining the fun will be the Nashville Bluegrass Band, Jackstraw, The Austin Lounge Lizards and tons more! Don't forget yer moonshine! WSH
Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK Blvd, Sat-Sun, schedule @ www.rivercitybluegrass.com , day pass $38.50

ICE SKATING--Who doesn't swoon at the sight of graceful figure skaters tracing intricate patterns to the tune of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," or some other uplifting number? Nobody, that's who! So get your ass to the Rose Quarter today for the 2005 State Farm Figure Skating Championships, America's "premiere amateur event for skaters." JWS
Memorial Coliseum, 11:30 am, $10-85

MONDAY, JANUARY 10

WORDS--Everybody knows that cops suck, but as a member of Portland Copwatch, Kristian Williams knows the extent of their suckiness better than anybody. Tonight he flogs his recent book, "Our Enemies in Blue: Police and Power In America," which deals with everyday abuses of power administered by the Po-po upon "certain segments of society." Get angry. SM
Powell's Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne, 7:30 pm

TUESDAY, JANUARY 11

LOUDMOUTH SOUP--The Mercury knows what you like: BRAINS and BEER. That's why we've come up with a way for you to enjoy both! Join us for our weekly Tuesday night trivia contest, and wash down that added knowledge with the Portland Mercury 's new signature beer, "Loudmouth Soup!" Brewed by the New Old Lompoc means it's delicious and contains 8% alcohol! Okay smarty-pants! Let's get deee-runk! WSH
New Old Lompoc, 1616 NW 23rd Ave, 7:30 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12

OFFICE COMEDY--In the years since the late '90s Internet boom/ bust, the genre of Corporate Office Comedy has attained unprecedented popularity. This month, catch one of the pioneers of the craft, Mike Daisey, whose side-splittingly funny one-man account of his time spent as a cubicle drone at Amazon.com, 21 Dog Years, plays at Portland Center Stage today and throughout January. JWS
Portland Center Stage, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6588, 7 pm, $15-55

CARNY--Peter Fenton has a history of stretching the truth. He grew up in Detroit's carnival underworld, where he learned to be a conman, and eventually landed a gig as a reporter for the National Enquirer. He'll talk about his carnie expose Eyeing The Flash at Powell's, but, really, can you believe anything he says? SM
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm