THURSDAY, MAY 12

LOW DOUGH SHOW!--Open Hand's You and Me qualifies as the year's best rock record you haven't heard. Think QOTSA meets Failure or Local H--a sonic flowerbed of dense, riffing, slinky grooves, and ethereal vocals. Can they back it up live?For five bones, it's definitely worth a look. At the revamped Dante's, now with high ceilings! SR Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $5!

OLD SCHOOL--Are you an aging hipster? Did you "used to be into local music"? Then tonight's event is for you: Local cover band Portland Public Schools (ha!) is playing nothing but covers of mid-'90s Portland bands, including Heatmiser, Team Dresch, Spinanes, and Thirty Ought Six. Relive the glory days! MS Towne Lounge, 714 SW 20th Place, 10 pm, $3

FRIDAY, MAY 13

FUNNY GUY--Join House of Cunt's hilariously weird Andrew Ox for two nights of crazy performance and fun. He's heading to L.A. soon, to work with the renowned comedy group the Groundlings, which trained the likes of Will Ferrell and Phil Hartman, among others. This means a) you won't be seeing Ox again for a long time, and b) when you do, it could be somewhere big, like the Big Screen. JWS Acme, 1305 SE 8th, Fri 8 pm, Sat 9 pm, $5-10

ROCK--Chicago-bred quartet the Ponys play normal-ass garage rock with touches of the three popular "P"s (read: psych, post-, and punk)--but unlike everybody else in the world, they forgot to suck at it. With the Gris Gris, the Hunches, and Plastic Crimewave Sound, it's a bill earnest enough to make rock 'n' roll seem important again. ZP Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $8

SATURDAY, MAY 14

HIPHOP POETRY--If you've heard his albums--Labor Days, Bazooka Tooth--then you already know how great Aesop Rock is. If you haven't, then nothing I can say can do him justice--so just go. His poetic, lightning-fast lyrics will hit you as hard as his inventive beats, and you'll thank me later. EH w/DJ Big Wiz, SA Smash, Hanger 18, Rob Sonic; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 9 pm, $16-20

MUSIC--Of course you can't resist the bizarre noise rock of Japanese punk outfit Melt Banana, but have you heard about Dark Forces? The spawn of legendary Portland metal band Lachrymator and Black Heart Procession, Dark Forces will kick your 1990s metal-loving ass! KS w/Das Oath; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $10

MUSIC--With a sound that takes more than a few clues from Britain's most memorable folk exports of the '60s (Tyrannosaurus Rex, Donovan, etc.), Ben Chasny's Six Organs of Admittance plays tonight with Sir Richard Bishop, esteemed representative of the Sun City Girls. ZP w/Holysons; Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $10

SUNDAY, MAY 15

FASHION--The Mercury is totally working it tonight with Clothes! A Portland Mercury Fashion Party (a name so retarded, it's good). Featuring all local designers (Emily Ryan, Magali Córzo, Bonnie Heart Clyde, and more!), DJ Teenage, Koto Y Soto, and… clothes! MS Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 6 pm, $10

MONDAY, MAY 16

MUSIC--Following their recent one-night-only bid as the 45-piece Degenerate Art Orchestra, Seattle's Butoh-iest performance art band the Degenerate Art Ensemble pare down to about four for this, their first Portland show in quite some time. ZP w/Anubian Lights; Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $6

TUESDAY, MAY 17

PUNKS ON FILM--About as coherent as Sid Vicious--and equally snarky and charismatic--the Sex Pistols' 1980 quasi-autobiographical The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle is now available on DVD. To celebrate, Jackpot Records presents a FREE screening, followed by the concert-film classic, X: Live in LA! PB Lola's Room, 1332 W Burnside, 7 pm, free

CHUCKIE P. --Everybody already knows everything about Chuck Palahniuk: Portland writer, Fight Club, blah blah blah. And you've probably even heard about how when he reads from his new book of short stories, Haunted, people have been passing out and shit, right? So really, there's nothing more I can say, other than yeah, go. EH First Unitarian Church, 1011 SW 12th, 7:30 pm, FREE

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18

MUSIC--Seattle's experimental gloom-punkers A Frames have found a home at glossy Sub Pop for their new album Black Forest, but their sound remains as gritty and sinisterly fun as ever. It's rare to describe something as both chaotic and danceable, and I'm happy to do so here. JWS Towne Lounge, 714 SW 20th Pl., 10 pm, $4