• At a Kentucky plastics plant, an employee shot his supervisor and four other workers before turning the gun on himself. (Note to other supervisors: Never use the phrase, "If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean.")

• Author of The Satanic Verses, Salman Rushdie, has been knighted. So if there are any Muslims still trying to kill him, watch out—homeboy's got a sword.

• Another reason to love Barack Obama? He's asked his financial team to help Hillary Clinton pay back her massive campaign debts. (Though I still think she should pay ME back for staying in the race for so long!)

This story is so horrible, I can barely link it.

• Oregon Republican Gordon Smith says, "Well, if we can't beat this Obama guy, let's make voters think we love him!"

• Representatives of Oregon and Washington voted last night to recommend building a new I-5 bridge crossing the Columbia in addition to a light rail line, which Vancouverites will never use because we're building them a bigger fucking bridge.

• You guys really want to curtail gridlock? Let's stick this on the Oregon side of the I-5 bridge.