Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you are dialing 9-1-1 to complain about your poorly made lunch. Sandwich artist, my ass. Where's Jared at?

Dolly Parton--or as I like to think of her, Doralee Rhodes--represents everything that is great about this country of ours, for better or for worse. Plus she has an amusement park and cares very deeply about Knoxville road closures. God, I could watch that video all day.

Dolly Parton - "Jolene"

Much to the dismay of the less popular Gresham Tuba Commission, the acclaimed Portland Cello Project successfully merges classical and pop music. Cello rulez! Tuba droolz! ROTFL!!

Portland Cello Project & Nick Jaina - "Power"

Not really a small snake (I know, right?), Tiny Vipers talks songwriting and how her new songs are "weird." In a good way, I think.

Tiny Vipers - "Aron"

Don't confuse King Louie with the animated monkey who dances to Louis Prima songs. This Louie is a dirty rock and roll whirlwind from deep in the Bayou who also used to play in the Exploding Hearts for a brief time as well.

King Louie and the Loose Diamonds - "Gypsy Switch"

In our music columns, I write about StumpClub's plans to open a brand new all-age venue and Cary talks about the charming kalimba playing Eliot Rose.

Eliot Rose - "Brightness And The Blood"

End Hits: Only the coolest kids blog about the cello, tuba, and kalimba.