(Photo Credit: Allison Andrews/Soccercity USA)

I was worried all week. I worried that Sarah Palin might actually string two sentences together without sounding like a right-wing zealot; I was worried John McCain might kill at the RNC. I was worried that Think Out Loud might be canceled; I was worried that I would start my Mercury blogging career trying to put into words the bitter disappointment of a 0-0 tie at home, like the last time Miami came to town. I didn't need to worry.

all the details after the jump

The Timbers have struggled to score all year, but last night we knocked in FOUR FUCKING GOALS against a Miami FC team who seemed preoccupied with Hurricane Season, or Ricky Martin's impending press conference about his sexuality.

The scoring started early, when Scot with one T (and one cuuuuuute new baby) Thompson laid a perfect cross from the right side for an unmarked Byron Alvarez to head into the net in the third minute. THE THIRD MINUTE. Revelry was at hand. I hugged three people I didn't know.

OOH! AHH! Alvarez! Say OOH AHH Alvarez!

My new favorite defender, Cameron Dunn, headed in a low Corner Kick from Chris Brown to put the second goal on the board in the 41st minute. For those scoring at home, that's an Assist and a Goal for the Timbers Defense.

Dunny Needs a Chant! Dunny Needs a Chant!

The Army was buzzing with excitement. I realized that I'd drank less than half my beer during the first half. This reminded me of 2007, when we were scoring at will and raining hellfire down upon any team in blue and white. We were up 2 to 0! This hadn't happened ALL YEAR! Where was this team last week? Last month? Since May? This was a must win game for both teams, and the Timbers were not going to lose to a squad of Guppies from America's Wang.

Florida! Florida! America's Wang!

Another crazy thing happened on the way to the pub. Two things, actually. We earned Penalty Kicks. For real fouls. Who was this ref, and where did he tie up the anti-Timbers brigade? Hats off to this ref, he called a fair match, and for once, players were getting punished for committing fouls (the Timbers out-fouled Miami FC by 3 by the end of the match, but at one point we were up 11 to 4).

The First Penalty was awarded for an obvious handball in the box in the 48th minute. Chris Brown flubbed the shot off Miami keeper Josh Saunders, but nailed the rebound into the 'ole onion bag,' as that diseased hobbit Tommy Smyth likes to say. The second PK came from a vicious tackle on Leo Griffin in the 70th minute, which Brown finished with clinical accuracy on the first try. (Griffin was subbed off in the 83rd minute, and had a monstrous ice pack on his left knee after the match.)

It was 4 to 0. The Army was singing out of joy, not anger and disappointment. We weren't calling for blood, we were singing for 5 more goals. The Timbers defense was staunch and merciless, even without Captain Cameron Knowles (out for yellow card accumulation). Dunn owned the USL's leading scorer Alex Alfonso ALL GAME. That guy went home with nary a whimper.

What does 4 to Nil feel like? I spat up blood in the shower this morning, but unlike a month ago, I sang and jumped and yelled in happiness. If these boys show up for the next 4 games like they did tonight, notify those fucks down at the league office: the Timbers are comin' down the road.

I've been this hoarse over and over and over and over, but damn, it feels good to be a gangster win 4 - 0.

All Photos: Allison Andrews/Soccercity USA

Others on yesterday's match:
PTFC official Site
USL match report
SoccerCity USA match report
Timbers Offside
Portland Tribune
the 107 report Podcast

Coming Up:
The Timbers have two away matches before the next home game, at Rochester Saturday, and at Montreal on Monday. The next and final home match is next Thursday, Rudy Giuliani Day, at 7pm against Charleston.