Duck! I mean... Ostrich!

Iran is up to its old tricks. In clear violation of the Enormous Sandwich Non-Proliferation Treaty (ESNPT), Iran claims to have built the world largest sandwich. The sandwich is said to have been nearly five thousand feet long and crammed with ostrich and chicken meat with a combined weight just over 3,000 pounds.

Only one problem: Organizers say that as they began the official measurement of the sandwich for the Guinness Book of World Records, all hell broke lose. Apparently, a large crowd bum rushed the sandwich, consuming it before the measurement could be taken.

Organizer, Parvin Shariati, told Reuters:

We still think the sandwich will be recorded in the Guinness book because of all the evidence and footage that we will send them

Yeah, sure. Undoubtedly, this "evidence" will be similar to that Photo-shopped, missile launch.

But it's good to know that our sandwich counterintelligence is working out there in the field. Our agent, codenamed "Dagwood," did a great job rousing the locals to revolt.

Now it's time for a counterstrike. I call on all good Americans to build the biggest, baddest, most patriotic sandwich you can build! This aggression will not stand! Suggestion for the type of sandwich are welcome.