What are you doing on election night? OH, I WILL TELL YOU! You're joining us and the rest of Portland's brightest and drunkest for a night of fun and nail-biting at the Mercury Election Night Party at the Doug Fir from 6 pm to midnight! If you recall, our blowout in '04 was out of freaking control fun (that is, until Kerry bit the dust -- but even then it was comforting to have drunken comrades nearby). And this time will even be funner, I betcha!
We'll be watching returns on the big screen downstairs and in the bar, and former senatorial candidate and super smarty pants STEVE NOVICK will be on hand to explain the complicated stuff, and talk us off the ledge if things get hairy.
Plus mayor-to-be SAM ADAMS will be dropping by to voice political words of encouragement, and DJ GREGARIOUS and DJ FLIGHTRISK will be working the turntables to your immense enjoyment.
BUT EVEN BETTER? We'll have games, like "Bash the Bush Pinata," photo taking opportunities with your favorite and most loathed politicians (her initials are S.P.), and the nearly nude gals from LILLE BOUTIQUE will be there to notify us of any major electoral shifts -- in their sexy underpants.

Be there? You goddamn right you will be.