EEEEEEEEEE! The Mercury Online Charity Auction ends today at 5 pm!! EEEEEEEEEE!

Will you win your Cindy the Erotic Pleaser pillow? (Remember, you can bid on any of the ten individual pillows!) EEEEEEE!

Will you win YOUR artwork on the Mercury's cover for all to see? EEEEEEE!

Will you win a date with the Mercury girls and a year's free admission for DJ Gregarious' dance night? EEEEE!

Will you win 15 minutes of one-on-one phone time with sex expert Dan Savage? EEEEE!

Will you tune in at 3 pm today for the special SPEED AUCTION for the eBay-banned Clone-a-Willy package? EEEEEEE!

And don't forget there are over fifty more awesome packages perfectly suited for any and all tastes—but they're all gone after 5 PM TODAY! As mentioned earlier… EEEEEEEE!