After watching days of hysterical ARCTIC BLAST!!! news coverage, I've had a kind of epiphany (huh, that's appropriate for the holiday season.) From here on out, I refuse to watch anymore news coverage of snow events. That's right, I'm living on instinct.
I've realized that my years in Portland have turned me into a whiny little bitch. Whaaaaaaah, I can't go outside because it's too coooold! Waaaaaaah, I can't leave the house because it's snoooowing! Whaaa, whaaa, whaaaaaa.
Eff that! I seem to have forgotten that I grew up in the Rocky Mountains. I also lived in Alaska fer chrissakes. I'm trying to remember at what point, exactly, Portland's winter took my nuts. Well, I'm over it. From now on, I will know the weather by the scent in the air, and the shades of the clouds. I shall venture into the cold and wet! I shall drive on the ice! I shall wear only animal skins and hunt the mighty ptarmigan for sustenance. I shall get my nuts back!
In other words, I'll follow the (NSFW) example of GI Joe's Snowjob: