ARCTIC-GEDDON '08 CONTINUES! Oh, sweet Jesus… I haven't been out of the house in days! I think I might… I might… where's my double-sided ax?!?

Tri-Met Update:

Many buses are stuck in the snow.

Crews are working as fast as possible to free them. All buses remain chained; expect delays of 20-30 minutes. Many buses are on snow routes or canceled.

MAX update: Frozen switches are causing service disruptions. Shuttle bus frequency is now averaging about every 15 minutes.

Blue Line trains are running every 15 minutes between Hatfield Government and Ruby Junction/E 197th Ave. Buses are serving Gresham City Hall, Gresham Central and Cleveland Ave stations. Service to Cleveland Ave Station planned to reopen by noon.

Red Line is being served by shuttle buses between Gateway Transit Center and PDX. One of the shuttle buses will provide direct service between Gateway and the airport.

Yellow Line is being served by buses from Expo Center to Rose Quarter.

From Reuters: "Pope Benedict said on Monday that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behavior was just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction." Okay, and saving the world from Catholics is just as important as stopping an asteroid from destroying the earth. Sir, you have been "one-upped"!

Team Obama will release their report tomorrow detailing any and all conversations with Gov. Rod "Rudyard Fucking Kipling" Blagojevich.

How does George Bush know that he's nearing rock bottom? Sarah Palin won't return his calls!

Toyota is operating at a loss for the first time in 70 years. Waitasecond… they had Corollas 70 years ago?

Is Michael Jackson dying?

Madonna is rumored to be having a passionate fling with a hot Brazilian model named Jesus. Just in time for the holidays!

Yes, you're snowed in and freezing to death. Here's an idea: Stop your fucking complaining and buy one of these.