Since so many of us are turning to alternative careers/"freelancing"/unemployment these days, it's amusing to see journalists(TM) appearing as lead characters in two upcoming movies, The Soloist and State Of Play. The Soloist features Robert Downey jr. and Jamie Foxx, with Downey jr. playing an LA Times hack who discovers Nathaniel Ayers (Foxx), a schizophrenic cellist who now plays a two-stringed instrument while, er, bumming on the streets. To say that this movie will be easy to spoof would be an understatement—I'm even writing the Youtube script in my mind as I type—but I'm hopeful it might cut through the obvious cynicism surrounding its release (because you know, homeless people only really matter when they went to Juilliard) and at least prove watchable:

Next up, the 100% realistic movie State Of Play features everybody's favorite Aussie maniac, after Mel Gibson, with the most incredible hair, acting opposite Ben Affleck, playing a senator. You may wish to re-read that last sentence, because true facts don't come along in that order, very often:

INCISIVE HAIR: Crowe, with Affleck.

The only problem with these movies? They're making me feel insecure. How am I ever to write another In The Shadows column about some poor unfortunate soul, if they don't simultaneously have some kind of elitist musical background? And how the hell am I going to look Sam Adams in the face, without at least a more substantial gut and a far less restrained overall coiffure?

To paraphrase: The journalism is dead. Long live the journalism. As portrayed by Russell Crowe...