A Mercury staffer looked out their window in SE Portland last night, to see a homeless-looking man passed out drunk in the front yard. They called CHIERS, and were told to "ask him to move along."

When asked why CHIERS wouldn't come out to take care of the guy, the Mercury staffer says they were told "we can't come onto your private property."

At this point, the man stood up, shakily, and walked off down the street.

"Well, I guess it's taken care of," said the CHIERS dispatcher, reportedly.

End of conversation.