Move the hell over you horny, hooker-and-gun toting high schoolers showing off in your "student editions" of Rent or Les Miserables!

The kiddies over at Buckman Elementary wanna grab you by the throat with something even more shocking, gratuitous and untasteful: a song-and-dance history of our very own Portland, Oregon!

Tonight and tonight only (6:30 pm Tuesday, April 6), a troupe of triple-threat third and fourth graders at Portland's own Buckman arts focus elementary school (320 SE 16th Avenue, off Stark) are tip-tapping away in local musician Ralph C. Nelson's "PORTLAND! A Musical," which takes you on a manic musical tour of our fair town, with lyrics like this:

"Come on everybody now sit down,
Listen to the story of our town.
What we have to tell you now is true:
Portland was a small town, but it grew."

Remind you of anything? Like, uh, THIS...??