There is no way in hell I’m going to get a ticket for the playoffs. I didn’t have enough pre-thought to begin waiting in line two days ago to buy one today, I don’t have the exorbitant amount of cash needed to procure one from an unscrupulous Craigslist scalper, and my season ticket holder friends know people they like better than me.

So, I guess I’ll be watching the game on TV like every other schmoo. Unfortunately, my home lacks cable. Fortunately, I like to drink. So does most everyone else at the Mercury. That’s why I called on my colleagues to help produce an unofficial (short) list of places to get your Rip City fix during the playoffs. Check out my pick here, and the rest after the jump. And feel free to recommend your favorites in the comments section,

Sloan's Tavern
(36 N Russell St)
I almost don't want to mention the best hidden gem of the Portland bar scene, but Sloan's really might be the best non-sports bar for watching Blazers games. Plus they have a fucking truck in their wall. It's like were Optimus Prime would go to drink, if he wasn't a soulless car-monster thing. EC

George's Corner Tavern
(5501 N Interstate Ave)
If you want to watch the game and a toothless man pump away his pension in the video poker machine, George's is your dream destination. It's not as bad as it used to be, but just get there early since their ceiling-high TVs make viewing the game a little difficult at times. EC

Sinnott's Lil'Cooperstown Pub
(5851 NE Halsey St)
Old school as old school gets. No frills, but plenty of old folks to lecture you on how the game was better back in their day. EC

Kate O'Brien's
(2809 NE Sandy Blvd)
Not the greatest location for actually watching the game, but their hangover breakfast is cheaper than Ron Artest elbowing Joel Przybilla (you know this is going to happen), plus it's a good location for the early games. EC

Claudia’s
(3006 SE Hawthorne)
There are so many game viewing options at Claudia’s, it’s almost impossible to not see some form televised sporting action. From old school televisions to HD madness, Claudias has it all. Oh, and captains chairs. PAC

The Slammer
(500 SE 8th Ave)
Get closer to your fellow Blazers fans than you ever wanted to at this small but energetic SE dive. The bonus at the Slammer is the drinks are so strong that if Portland happens to lose the playoffs (shut yo mouth!), you won’t remember it. PAC

Blitz
(2239 SE 11th Ave)
(110 NW 10th Ave)
Two locations for this vast, if not generic, sports bar. The Ladd's bar is the better option, with less frat crossover from the Pearl and a more relaxed atmosphere (plus they have totchos). As for their NW location, let's just say there is a fiery place in hell for any bartender that refuses to offer their 7pm drink discount at 6:58pm. EC Struck out with authori-tah!

On Deck
(910 NW 14th Street)
68 inches of plasma and 25 flat screens are only second to the outrageous deck at On Deck Sports Bar (oh, I just got that!). If you can ignore the douche bag contingent and relax into a playoff drink special, it’ll do just fine. PAC

Nob Hill Bar and Grill
(937 NW 23rd Ave)
The Nob Hill is a decidedly unpretentious oasis in the trendy cluster-fuck that is Northwest 23rd. The servers are friendly, the burgers are juicy, and the beer is cold. Find old-school Blazer mania here. PAC

Cheerful Tortoise
(1939 SW 6th Ave)
Not as bad as you might think. The Cheerful can actually draw a fairly diverse crowd despite the contingent of young meat-head PSU jock types. The bartenders are great, the drinks are stiff, and the TV's are plentiful. Also, there is a high probability of Red and Black jell-o shots. PARTY!!!! PAC

The Agency
(1939 SW Morrison St.)
I’ve never been into the Agency, because frankly, it scares the shit out of me. It just seems like too much of a good thing. Here’s a sample of what they offer: personal HD TV with DVR, sports video games on demand (XBOX, Wii, or Playstation 3), full sports re-cap shows on demand, laptops and wi-fi with live fantasy gaming. Also: food, booze, private rooms. I’m having a seizuajdfqefgvqfvghqg g j fg.

What just happened? PAC