I just happened across an event happening tonight that for some inscrutable, incomprehensible, unforgivable reason, the organizers didn't bother telling anyone at the Mercury about. No, it's cool, guys. It's not like I have Scotty and Spock action figures presiding over my keyboard or anything. It's not like sometimes they fight a terminator or anything. It's not like I'd care at all about an event like this. WHATEVER.

Anyway, Stovokor—Portland's very own Klingon metal band—is playing a free show at the Mission tonight, and "if you appear wearing a red shirt [GET IT?! —Ed.], you are entered to win passes to the Portland premiere of Star Trek, almost a week before it officially opens Thursday, May 7th." Plus, there'll be a "cinematic mix tape/sizzle reel"! I put an exclamation point after that because I'm not quite sure what that means. Porn, probably.

Anyway, more details here and here. Now if you'll excuse me, Scotty needs to un-fragment the dilithium crystals before Skynet destroys us all forever! Hurry the fuck up, you lazy Scottish bastard. Otherwise I'll just call up Geordi, and he'll do this shit right.

Stovokor at Mission Theater (1624 NW Glisan), 7:30 pm, 21+. FREE.