Oh man, today is your lucky day to be reading Blogtown. We've got four pairs of tickets to Urban Assault Ride, the huge, crazy bike scavenger hunt New Belgium hosts every year in Portland. It's a giant alley cat ride, where you complete obstacle courses and get clues and get drunk and win bikes. This year's ride is on May 31st and entry is $47-$60 so snag a pair of tickets and leave one under the the pillow of the penniless bike messenger sleeping in your basement. Or give one to your boyfriend. Or give one to me. Either way, you'll make someone very very happy.

So how can you win the tickets? DO NOT GO RIDE YOUR BIKE. Instead, stay glued to your desk for the next little while and complete our Approaching End Times Photo Scavenger Hunt. You must photoshop together the following list of items threatening to destroy our immediate future:

- A deadly polar bear
- Bristol Palin
- The Gays
- Bluetooth Phones

Also somewhere in the image there must be at least one BIKE. Make it a good one. Bonus points for Portland references in the picture or for incorporating a photo of Mercury art director Justin "Scrappers" Morrison. Throw in whatever other images and gif magic you've got and email your photoshop skillz finale to me - I'll post the winners at exactly 2:46 tomorrow. The winners will be obvious because they will be the best. YOU'VE GOT 24 HOURS! GO!


Randy Leonard in Spandex almost made the list, but got booted for polar bears. Photo via BikePortland