Oh, FUCK THIS.
StudioCanal has announced that it will be teaming with Neal Moritz's L.A.-based Original Films to reboot Cliffhanger.
A big-budget international action-adventure thriller set in a big mountain milieu, the makeover of Renny Harlin's 1993 pic will center on a group of young climbers.
"Just as they rebooted Star Trek, we're going to do the same with Cliffhanger," said Moritz, who will produce. Unlike the original, where Italy stood in for the Colorado Rockies, the new redo looks set to feature multiple cliff-face locations.
ARGH. Again: FUCK THIS. I love Cliffhanger so goddamn much. In fact, if I was forced at gunpoint to pick a favorite Renny Harlin film—a task I don't wish upon anyone—Cliffhanger would win, even over Die Hard 2: Die Harder, and yes, even over Deep Blue Sea. It's fucking Die Hard in the mountains, man! With STALLONE! Fighting JOHN LITHGOW! With THAT ONE CHICK FROM NORTHERN EXPOSURE! Jesus Christ, man, HE KILLS SOMEBODY WITH A STALACTITE!
News like this makes me hate everything about life. Luckily, videos like the one below—in which one equally dedicated Cliffhanger fan set scenes from the movie to Bon Jovi's "Livin' On a Prayer"—reminds me why I don't just jam a stalactite through my eye and end it all. Thank you, YouTube user "ramboraph."