Hey fatcat CEOs! Meet your new worst enemy: THE COMPENSATION CZAR.

Chrysler narrowly avoids bankruptcy thanks to a company who actually knows how to make cars, Fiat.

Note to old people (or anybody for that matter), never ever dare a Texas police officer to taser you.

Anti-abortion nuts say they would like to buy the clinic of murdered abortion provider Dr. George Tiller. Why? Because they haven't made a horrible situation bad enough.

The publisher of USA Today plans to start selling his newspaper to you via email! It's the greatest idea ever in the… hey. Wait. Where are you going?? HEY!!!

Okay, how about this idea… a magnetic levitating train that runs from Las Vegas to Disneyland! It's the perfect way for you to… oh, come on, guys! I was just getting started!!

And finally, check out the awesome new Twitter Tracker on the Tonight Show—which Conan O'Brien inexplicably hates. C'mon, Coco! Don't poop on the party!