Obama will extend benefits to the same sex partners of federal employees, but stops short of pledging full health insurance coverage. Congratulations, gays! Now Obama thinks you're roughly 75% worthy of equality.

Protests continue to heat up over the rigged election in Iran, as officials start to crack down on the media, including bloggers. (Please crack down harder on Perez Hilton, wouldja?)

to unveil his new financial system overhaul today; the GOP wonders, "Do we have to wait? Can't we just say we hate it now?"

Insurance company pays Portland cyclists $100,000 after a driver intentionally runs over them. Not enough.

A fly dares to bother the president during an interview, so he kills it in one swat. Behold the following jokes: 1) Somebody call PETA, so they can BOO-HOO-HOO! 2) Dear Iran and North Korea: That was you. 3) Hey, that fly was the next leader of the Republican party! Thank yew, thank yew! Don't forget to tip your waitress.

THE CAT KILLER IS FREE! THE CAT KILLER IS FREE! Quick, hide Baby Lumpkins and Rev. Scraps!

And speaking of cats, what happens when a young Helen Hunt takes a weeeeee bit too much angel dust? PLAY HER OFF, KEYBOARD CAT! (And then join Hall & Oates, whydon'tcha?)