OMG, you guys! Twitter is under attack! What's next? Ashton Kutcher being held hostage by Kim Jong il?

The "No Shit Sherlock" headline of the day: "Police: Gym shooter 'had a lot of hatred' for women, society."

The Senate is likely to vote in favor of an extension to the "Cash for Clunkers" program (though the jury is still out on the "Sonnets for Skateboards" and "Fishsticks for Fixies" programs).

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is expected to be confirmed today, despite the GOP's reservations that she is a) a woman, and b) brown.

Ironic, but true: Aerosmith's Steven Tyler injures himself after tumbling off the stage while singing "Love in an Elevator." "Livin' it up, while I'm goin' dooooooooown. Plop."

From the "Do we actually have to say this?" department: "The American Psychological Association declared Wednesday that mental health professionals should not tell gay clients they can become straight through therapy or other treatments." However, therapy has been proven effective in turning members of the religious right into less-than-intolerant bungholes.

And finally, Jon Stewart gives mad wicked props to Bill Clinton for his work rescuing two American journalists from North Korea... while giving somewhat less than mad wicked props to CNN and Fox News.