I spent Saturday night in the Providence Hospital ER, chaperoning a friend with a ruptured appendix (and health insurance, thank God) as he navigated paperwork and nurses and descriptions of "caustic bile." It took four hours from the time we hobbled in the door to the time he got set up in a room with all the proper medical machinery and in that time a new joy came into my life. His name is Noah Larsen. He is an old man who dominates the late-night hours of Portland public access television. His show on MetroEast Community Media was an hour of solid, hilarious rambling.

But when Mr. Larsen picked up a paper copy of the Mercury and waved it at the screen gushing about a Sold Out column discussing Leanne Marshall on Project Runway, I whipped out my little video camera and started recording. Here are FASHION TIPS FROM NOAH LARSEN:

It turns out I'm not the only Portlander to record Larsen on TV. This clip is probably Larsen's best—in it he discusses Werner Herzog and a DVD's "Hispano" subtitles while the eyes of his cat sweatshirt stare out unflinchingly. Noah Larsen = Portland's new fashion icon.