It's been nearly a couple weeks since the Portland Trail Blazers announced the throwback attire to commemorate their 40th year of roundball, and as much as I want to like their new look, I still think the jerseys are uglier than Ha Seung-Jin's face.
Granted, the Blazers red jersey is a classic, but alongside the modern baggy shorts it's a far cry from the glory days when that look was synonymous for being plastered skin tight on the pasty frame of Bill Walton. I doubt the team's current crop of players will want to indulge us all—come on Rudy, do it—by rocking the '70s "nut hugger" short-shorts just for the sake of celebrating an era that happened long before they were born. Remember when the Lakers tried this a couple years ago and wore long tights beneath their shorts? And that's why we hate the Lakers.
The white Rip City option is far worse. If this Bill Schonely quote made the cut, how long until "Boom-Chaka-Laka" finds its way to a player's chest? These jerseys resemble something you'd find in the (new) ABA. But since this is clearly not my area of expertise—I normally wear either a burlap sack, or wooden barrel with suspenders, everyday to work—I turned to our resident fashion expert, Marjorie Skinner of MOD.
"It would be nice to see what the shorts look like on, I hate the super long b-ball shorts... I just don't like the ones you could make a fort with in your living room."
She's right. Nut hugging is always better than living room fort.