Hey, remember a couple of weeks ago when that cheerleader, Arianne, killed an alligator and everyone was impressed by her ability to fit into two societal categories at once? Well hold onto your hats, because she's got competition!

Another alligator has been charged with the crimes of being big and existing. It was sentenced to be shot in the face by a 5-year-old boy. Little Simon Hughes demonstrated the motor skills to pull a trigger and was rewarded with an 800 lb., 12-foot alligator body. That almost doubles the weight of Arianne's! Check out this CNN video of Simon being adorable and terrifying.

Does our nation have room in its heart for more than one unlikely gator hunter? Clearly nobody has heard the story of my first birthday where I popped out of my mom's fallopian tube only to land on the neck of the a plesiosaur that I strangled to death. Where's my CNN fluff piece??!

  • You're welcome, Nation History Museum of South Kensington